yep, yep it does.

so, last night i was talking to shawn online.

he told me he had a crush on my best friend.

and it [censored]ing sucks

because shes beautiful.

but shes never, and i mean never, had a boyfriend.

shes almost.....untouchable.

so....the two guys who have my affection, love my best friend.

andy went to the semi formal with her.

but she turned him down when he asked her out

now shawn likes her.

and here i am, telling myself to

cry yourself a river, megan.

build a bridge and get over it, megan.

but i just can't.

i can't live a lie and pretend everything is okay.

because, everything won't be okay.

because i'm lonely.

and i hate being single.

it sucks.

really, i live a lie everyday.

i have this spontaneous hard exterior

but inside, i'm this insecure person who just wants to have someone love her.

and i know this won't happen anytime soon.

because they don't love me.

they love her.

life sucks when your best friend is beautiful.

i love boys.

but why the hell are they so god damned confusing?

so theres a boy.

his name is shawn.

hes [censored]ing awesome.

we went out two years ago for a time.

but that fizzled out.

but i've still secretly liked him.

he so funny, sweet, caring.

but hes got a girlfriend a year younger.

but yesterday after school....

we had a chalk fight.

we laughed and threw chalk in each others faces and he smeared it all over my pants and stuff.

and we flirted.

like crazy.

but he still has never said that he had feelings for me.

or anything.

why, oh why, are they so god damned confusing?!

damn it.

damn it all.

then theres andy.

andy andy andy.

the other boy of my affection.

who probably doesnt realize i exist.

i mean, i'm quite possibly the most popular in the junior class,

but he still doesnt look at me.

and it hurts.

because hes so funny.

and sweet.

and cuteeeee.

and i love him.

i really do.

and i love shawn.

i really, really do.

i tell myself I dont care what you think.

but really, i do. and it [censored]ing sucks, because i want to not care so badly.

i know you say things about me, i know you talk behind my back and say 'shes so stupid! i hate the way she....'

but when you're with me, you're a totally different person.

we laugh, we're best friends.

but when you're with others, you're....fake.

it [censored]ing [censored]es me off the way you talk about your 'best friend' with me and tell me you 'hate' her. but 5 [censored]ing minutes later you're prancing around with her down the halls, arm and arm, talking about how [censored]ing great life is and how you're such great friends.

i dont know what the [censored] to think of you right now.

when i put new pictures on my myspace,

are you talking to her, critisizing me, telling her i'm trying to be cool?

well, news flash, i'm not trying to be cool. i am me. i do whatever the [censored] i want. and thats what i'll continue to do.

I [censored]ing hate it. Mother [censored]ing hate it.

I hate the human way, the way we're always so jealous of each other. The way we critisize and throw people into a catergory. it [censored]es me off that you label me, and are so fake.

you act like you're the [censored], you've got a boyfriend, and yet you flirt with your ex EVERY-[censored]ING-DAY.

i like your ex. hes so funny and cute. but you've got him wrapped around your finger now, dont you?

Well, I just want to crawl into a world where nobody judges me, and nobody talks about me behind my back.

a world with no drama, no [censored]ed up best friends, no lying kniving people.

let me know if you find this world.

♥