Smart-Ass
Answer #5
A
flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As
a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without
missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub."
Smart-Ass
Answer #4
A
lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't
find
one big enough for her family. She asked a butcher,"Do these turkeys get any
bigger?"
The butcher replied, "No, ma'am, they're
dead."
Smart-Ass
Answer #3
The
cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down
his
window.
"I've
been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I
got here as fast as I could."
When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a
ticket.
Smart-Ass
Answer #2
A
truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads
"Low
bridge ahead'" Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and
he
gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally,
a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to
the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The
truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
of gas."
Smart-Ass
Answer #1 (so good it's a repeat)
A
college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class, I won't
tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious
personal
injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no
other
excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised
his hand and asks,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The
entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When
silence is
restored,
the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head,
and
sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
other hand.
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