...and my nephew has chosen to be a "screaming Eagle"!

Below  is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated. He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in a F-14 Tomcat.   If you aren't laughing out loud by the time you get to 'Milk  Duds,' your sense of humor is seriously broken.

'Now this message is for America's most famous athletes:



Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have . John Elway, John  Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few.  If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity... Move to Guam .

Change your name.

Fake your own death!

Whatever you do.

Do Not Go!!!

I  know.

The U.S. Navy invited me to try it.  I was thrilled.  I was pumped.  I was toast!  I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach.

Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it.   He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way, Fast.

Biff King was born to fly.  His father, Jack  King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ('T-minus 15 seconds and  counting.' Remember?)  Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad.  Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, 'We have  liftoff'.

Biff was to fly me in an F- 14 D Tomcat, a  ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting  airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.

'Bananas,' he  said.
'For the potassium?'  I  asked.

'No,' Biff said, 'because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down.'

The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast.

(No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot.   But, still, very cool.)  I carried my helmet in the crook of  my arm, as Biff had instructed.  If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it.

A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would 'egress' me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.

Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up.  In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph.  We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14.

Those 20  minutes were the rush of my life . Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80..   It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell.   Only without rails.  We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks.  We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a  vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute.  We chased another  F-14, and it chased us.



We  broke the speed of sound .  Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at  200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie.

And I egressed the bananas.

And I egressed the pizza from the night before.

And the lunch before that.

I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade.

I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the  G's, I was egressing stuff that I never thought would be egressed.

I went through not one airsick bag, but two.

Biff said I passed out.  Twice.  I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a  banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down.

I used to know 'cool'.  Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite.  But now I really know 'cool'.  Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and Freon nerves.  I  wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in  a home stand.
A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called.  He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me.  Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.

What is it??  I asked.

'Two Bags.'

Today is International Disturbed People's Day!
(oh Happy Day!)

I don't care if you lick windows,
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself..

You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special.

Much Love to ALL My Friends!
Scorp

PET RULES To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3 Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5.. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9.. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.

So far more like Happy Hectic Year...
On Jan. 1st we got to wake-up to Logan (our 3yr old) barfing everywhere (he even got dad's pillow) then of course his (as he says) butt was throwing-up... Then dad caught it, then me, then Zakk (the oldest) then Aric, well Aric caught full swing of it while the power was out. (yes of course we got mom with the barf's cleaning up the lil ones butt barfs)
On Jan. 4th we got one hell of a storm. Wind gusts up to 69 miles an hour, probably higher. With rain of course! Which knocked out our power for two days...Three sick kids, a husband felling okay enough to go back to work and a mom who just wants nothing more than to sleep through it all... Have ya tried finding vomit in the middle of the night with a flashlight lately? (from two different kids mind you) Not good and defiantly not pretty (mom note wear galoshes and a hard hat next power outage)...okay back to the power outage, no it just couldn't be a power outage, we had to have a bit of drama to go along with the bitchin kick off to this new year!..So on Friday when the "bad" part of the storm hit I kept checking outside our windows to see what I could see (no I wasn't brave enough to venture out) well after a few hours of "checking" I followed a power line from a neighbors that should have hung well through ours, I saw a big sag? WTF I think, So I bend down, looking out our sliding glass door to the backyard and see a nice big bit of our tree broken and hanging in the lines... Call the power company, they say call the tree company...call the tree company, leave a message (I'm one in the millions in No Ca with a down tree now) Well Later Husband comes home, I show him our neat new looking tree and the damn thing is shooting sparks like the 4th of July! We call the fire dept. (fire hazard?) fire dept. says if it's not actually burning they can't do anything, so call electric company back, they say they will send an "emergency team" this is all at about 6-7 p.m. Friday evening, well about 1 a.m. emergency crew gets here, they can't do anything...they have to report to their supervisor...Good freakin cold night, I'm going to find more vomit!
Saturday mornin, yea a cold one, temp. in the house is now 52F, thank goodness we have a wood burning fire place! About 11 a.m. the tree crew gets here, I inform them the "limb" is hanging from a live wire...they seem shocked! They had no clue.... So they call to electric company/ they have to cut power to this one damn live line in the neighborhood, an hour and a half later a guy gets here cuts power to the line, the trimmers have their way with my tree (kids think it's awesome/dog wants to eat people/mom wants to have a cup of hot coffee) When all is done we have a nice sized hole in our back fence from a limb being dropped (not to mention the other two sides of fence have fallen) and we got power for about 30 seconds....there was another tree hung in the power lines a few blocks away from us! So after I go get ice, to keep what food we have cold in the ice-chest and some instant coffee, at about 4:30 p.m. WE HAVE POWER!! yay us!
All the time we were without power so was my little brother and his wife, they live in another smaller city than us. They were without power for 3 and a half days! I know others had this storm hit far worse than we did, but damn it! this was no fun!! vomit by flashlight...

Love to each of you! I sure the hell hope you had a better kick off than us! and if not, [censored] on it, tomorrow is a brighter day ;)
Scorp

The director of the Sacramento Zoo, where a keeper was bitten four years ago by a tiger, said that the big cats can never be domesticated and always have a potential for wild behavior.

"They are wild animals and unpredictable," Sacramento Zoo director Mary Healy said. "That is always something we need to be mindful of."

One zoo visitor was mauled to death and two others severely injured when a Siberian tiger escaped at the San Francisco Zoo early Christmas evening.

All behaviors of the tigers are instinctive, said Healy. Patterns are learned by the animals who live in zoos, but first and foremost they are wild.

"It was very tragic," Healy said. "Our hearts go out to the families of the person who died and the injured folks."

She also said that her thoughts were with the staff of the San Francisco Zoo, saying it is always a trying experience when someone is injured by an animal.

"We never underestimate taking care of wild animals," she said. "It is a dangerous job with unknown factors."

Nicole Paquette, senior vice president of Sacramento-based Born Free USA, said the San Francisco incident highlights that animals such as the tiger should not be kept in captivity.

"It sends the wrong message, that it's OK to keep wild animals in captivity," Paquette said. "This incident clearly demonstrates that the animals are wild, whether born in the wild or bred in captivity. Their natural instincts still come out. The tragic incident in San Francisco demonstrates that."

The Sacramento Zoo had a close call in 2003 when a 325-pound Sumatran tiger bit 30-year-old keeper Chad Summers. He was rescued by a volunteer who hit the big cat over the head with a shovel.

Summers and another zookeeper fed the lions first, and then the snow leopard. Everything was normal until the keepers and volunteer Hannah Goorsky arrived at the tiger dens.

As Goorsky was cleaning out the dens, Summers prepared a meal for the two cats. Castro, the male tiger, was licking at his food when Summers realized that a door to the dens was left open after the cleaning.

As Summers leaned on the door, Goorsky later recalled, the tiger came out - head and shoulders - and bit his ankle.

The feline also bit at his head and shoulder. That's when Goorsky swung her shovel.

She hit Castro five or ten times and then the tiger returned to his food dish. Summers closed the door and medical help treated puncture wounds on his neck, right shoulder and left leg.

Goorsky, a veterinary student, was honored by the Sacramento City Council with a proclamation recognizing her bravery.

Healy said there was a "change in the routine" that day that altered the keeper's behavior, and that is how the door was left unsecured.

"The most important thing is to talk to all the staff, not just the keepers, to say: stay focused, watch every step," said Healy. "That is something we reinforce on a regular basis."

There has not been another incident with the tiger. The pair of adults had three cubs last year.

The Sumatran tiger is endangered, Healy said, and the zoo performs a valuble function in keeping the gene pool as large as possible.

Summers has left the zoo for similar work in San Diego, said Healy. Goorsky, her mother said, lives in San Francisco, where she works for two veterninarians.

It is unclear how the tiger escaped from the grotto-type San Francisco enclosure, which has a moat between the public and the animals. Healy said that the public is protected from any danger in Sacramento.

"We have a different style exhibit," she said. "It is not moated. The tigers are behind a heavy mesh and glass."

The mesh and glass are of sufficient height that the animals cannot scale or jump out of the exhibit, she said.

this happened in the evening yesterday, there is still a full investigation going on, many are concerned who zoo keepers did not handle this and police officers had to, I'll keep ya posted.
Link to story, http://www.sacbee.com/749/story/592234.html

http://www.grab.com/profiles/p/beaker2 Scorp