So strange.  Listening to LAUNCHcast and "Black Coffee in Bed" by Squeeze comes on, transporting me back to the early 1980s and making me think of Steve Johns, XTC's "Dear God" and this really cool house we partied at that had all this natural shiny wood in it.  This all reminded me of a time when I had so much in front of me.  Not exactly possibilities but hope, hope in so many things...love, myself, my future.  Steve was so sweet and intelligent and probably the most tortured soul I have ever met.  At such a young age he was aching for something and it was so palpable I could feel it just being in the room with him.   And as Squeeze is singing I'm missing that feeling, feeling that lost hope and innocence and then "Dear God" comes on and my jaw drops.  And I'm so afraid I will never have any hope for anything again and then "Be Like That" comes on and my Goddess I DO want to be like that again.  I want to have some hope in something, some faith that the girl I used to be, the young hopeful girl that has gotten so damn sidetracked, can be like that again.