MAN O MAN....I really jinxed myself the other night by making the statement to a dear friend that jail was no place that I haven't ever been before.  Not that I was really wanting or expecting to go back so soon but I DID. I wasn't really being bad just not being really smart in my nature of manhoood I suppose.  You see it was like this...there is only some things in life that I am really really good at and that takes very little to no expertise to do and that is hunting. I don't have to rush, I don't have be in a big hurry, it's cheap, it's fun, it's quite and peaceful and I can be myself in doing it. But.......that has all changed now, this deer hunting trip turned into expensive, not so fun, loud and distractful and me trying to hurry up and get the hell out of dodge. Anyway, as I was saying.......I've hunted for many years and really enjoy the sport of it all but I managed to get my dumb ass tossed like a salad the other night. I was really enjoying myself, having a blast and not thinking about anyone or anything in particular...just being Cheyne was all.  I had already killed a fairly nice little doe deer and throwed her in the ass end of my pickem up truck and I was looking for her mate that was sporting a nice set of racks. I'm always looking for a nice set of racks if you know what I mean!!! It was dark and I pulled out the ole spot light which is highly illegal as most of you may know and if you didn't YOU DO NOW! So I'm driving down the road...SPOTLIGHTING....I remind you... when I see this nice set of racks!!! I stop and look at it for a while, pulled my gun up and BOOOOOM. That mother f#*^er blew up like a god dang chicken feathered mattress. Holy [censored]....I just shot a dummy deer put out by the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife and one that happened to be monitored by not only the wildlife boys but the boys in blue. F*#K!!! I first made the attempts to run like hell because I knew it was going to be bad and as I topped the hill....[censored], they called for backup I guess or they knew the ones setting in the woods with their f*#%ing deer had a box of dognuts because they were there in a heartbeat. I closed my eyes real hard and tight and thought that maybe when they opened everyone but me and my deer would be gone. Didn't work out that way because when I opened them I just went ahead and stepped out of the ole truck, locked it up and held out my wrist because there was more lights flashing than I had seen in a long time....hell you would of thought I killed someone rather than a god forsakin' deer.  So they cuffed and stuffed me and took me to the county jail and booked my dumbass. Them guys act like I did something really really bad because I got the gosh dog books threw at me and they didn't miss either time they was throwing. They set me in on a $15,000 bond and charged me with more counts than I have fingers on one hand to count them on.

Count 1.....Shooting a doe deer out of season  (this was the time of season you can only kill the boy deer)

Count 2.....Shooting wildlife with improper firearms (this was the time of week you was suppose to kill the BOY deer with a MUZZLE LOADER not a 30.06 rifle)

Count 3.....Carcass in possession with no tags (what the hell do they need a tag for THEIR DEAD)

Count 4.....Spotlighting ( have to see the dumb deer somehow IT'S DARK)

Count 5.....Shooting state planted monitoring device (big sentence for basically meaning, "THE DUMBASS SHOT A DUMMY DEER)

Count 6.....Attempts to eluding a police officer (Damn right I didn't want them taking the deer I already had)

Anyway, this all started around 6:50 on  Sunday night when I got a wild hair up my ass all the sudden to go hunting and now wished I would of just stayed home. And that [censored] of big colored boys only showing up in the movies really happen because I had a big colored boy by the name of BUBBA that I got to share my jail cell with or I should say he shared with me because he was already there when I got there. He thought my hair was sexy!!! Oh God help me. I was ever so glad when the little chested woman with a big bo bo came in and said, "Mr. Austyne is there anyone you would like to call or have us call for you".  "Yeah,,,,my momma and tell her that Bubba thinks my hair is sexy and that I love her".  Just kidding. I called my brother who was probably at my soon to be ex house sucking on my soon to be ex wife's toes. But that all doesn't really matter because I told him where to find the cash that I had hid and to come and get my ass before Bubba thought something else was more appealing than my hair!!! Oh lord forgive me for my sins!!!  AND to TOP it ALL OFF....they kept my GOD FORSAKIN' Deer!!! 

So keep in mind that if you play you pay in all things that you do but if you have 1500.00 for a bails bondsman and have the notion to go Oklahoma deer hunting call me, Cheyne Austyne, for all your needs. And....especially for the ladies I now inspect big racks free of charge and offer my personal assistance in mounting them for you...**WINK**

God Bless and have a wonderful day.............Chey