As Rememberence Sunday approaches, Veterans Day or whatever the name you use to remember the war dead where you live, I ask you to remember all those who lost their lives that we may live as we do. To the fallen of the two great wars, Korea, Vietnam, Falklands, Iraq and Afghanistan, remember them.  Remember too those that return from conflicts bereft of limbs and of sight, for they too suffer that we may not.

They gave their lives, give them two minutes of yours to remember them.

I quote, as always;

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them. 

Laurence Binyon

The police Inspector from Oban visited Glendally and was giving Donald's cousin Callum, the local policeman a hard time for not cracking down on the local crimewave.  "I saw big Maggie crossing the road and not using a crossing, even worse, I saw Donald riding a bike on the pavement."

Callum promised to bring law and order to Glendally.

That night he found his cousin Angus drilling the safe of the Clydesdale Bank.  "What are you doing Angus?"

"Well now, you've caught me redhanded Callum."

Lucky for you Angus -  you weren't riding a bike on the pavement otherwise I would have had to run you in."

Donald, the competition Winner

Donald, with fellow crofters Hector and Archie are looking at the 'terrible' sheep prices in the Advertiser when they spot a new "Spot the Sheep" competition on page 3.  And to their amazement, there were the slopes of Strathcrian.  They knew exactly where the sheep were, put their X's on the spots and sure enough won the 3 prizes.  Archie won a 48" flat screen TV, Hector a lap top and Donald an electric loo brush.

3 weeks later, the lads were discussing their prizes.  Archie said that he really enjoyed 'One Mand and His Dog' and the farming programmes in hi definition Gaelic.  Hector said he was now proficient in "He-Male" and managed to make contact with his cousin Jerry in Australia.  The lads then asked Donald how he was getting on with his electric loo brush.

"Well now," replied Donald, "Myself and Big Maggie are most disappointed with it, and we will be going back to using good fashioned tolet paper right away!"

Donald Returns to London

Donald was flush with money. Not only had he received his cheque for his wool but the EEC had sent him a bonus for doing nothing with his land. Donald said they were getting excellentt value for him to be sitting at home and being a 'family man'. He decided he needed a break so set out for London (again) where he booked himself into the biggest hotel he could find.

When he returned to Glendally, he was relating his adventured in the bar at the Royal in Strathcrain. He said he was in the best hotel in london but the people were not at all friendly. "At 4 o'clock every morning they hammered the doors, even the walls and ceiling of my bedroom. Sometimes so loud I could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes...."

Big Morag

Big Morag went to her Minister with a delicate problem.  'Minister! I have 2 female parrots and they only know how to say one thing.  All they ever say is 'Hi, we're good time girls!! Do you want to have some fun?'

'Oh, that's teribble', say the Minister, 'but I think I can help you Morag.  Bring your 2 parrots over to the manse and I will put them with my 2 parrots who I have taught to pray and read the bible every day.  My parrots will teach your parrots to behave themselves and say their prayers and devotions every day.'

The next day Big Morag bought her 2 female parrots to the Minister's house.  His 2 male parrots were counting their beads and quietly praying in their cage.  Big Morag put her 2 female parrots in the cage with the male parrots.  The females immediatety chirped up, 'Hi, we're good time girls. Do you want to have some fun?'

One male parrot looked ever at the other male parrot and exclaimed, 'Put all that stuff away, our prayers have been answered.'

They say life can be cruel and yesterday I had an e-mail from my friend Potato telling me her family had lost a dear friend of their's Lee, to cancer.  This in itself is bad enough but the message has added poignancy as the guy had been given a year to live.  In the cruelest twists of fate, he only had 2 and a half weeks, so little time for anyone to come to terms with him having cancer, let alone being taken from them all in such a short space of time.  The guy's family must be even more devastated at the cruelty of the event.

I am asking all visitors to pray for Lee's family and for my friends family too.  I know that the world's Grab family is a great source of solace and comfort for those in need, please give them your prayers.

Thank you.

One winter's night Joe was disturbered by a furious banging on his front door.  Upon answering the door, his neighbour Sam was standing there, a face like thunder.

"Hi Sam," said Joe, "what's up?"

"It's your son," ranted Sam, "he's peed his name in the snow on my front lawn!"

"Well now," replied Joe, "no harm there, we have probably all done the same thing in our time."

"I know," retorted Sam, "but it's in my daughter's handwriting!!"

I'm not one for making viewing recommendations but if any reader gets the chance, watch  'A Short Stay in Switzerland'.  It was on the UK's    BBC 1 channel tonite, which I know is seen around the world.  It is one of the most powerful and emotive dramas you are ever likely to see not a dry eye in the house.

I hope you all had a great New Year and may 2009 be extra kind to you, especially my special friends here on Grab.