Turns out I'm actually not a hypochondriac!!!
After weeks of Lex's "gentle prodding" (read: "If you don't stop complaining and go to the doctor, I'm going to break both your legs. Then you'll really have something to complain about!"), I finally went to an orthopaedist about my knee problems. I was very impressed by this one-stop-shop clinic - they have every service you could possibly need to treat any orthopaedic problem, and they ran like a well-oiled machine. I didn't have to wait very long to see the doctor, get the x-rays, and then see the doctor again.
As I had self-diagnosed, I have patellofemoral syndrome, also known as chondromalacia patella. In my ample spare time, I need to go to physical therapy 3 times a week for the next month and then reevalute my treatment. I also need to get orthotics for my shoes, because my feet apparently don't feel like being team players and their tendency to turn out is exacerbating the knee problem.
I'm whining about a lot of minor conveniences, but I suppose they're better than persistent knee pain. At least I can say I was right 