I used to hold him in the palm if my hand. He was so sweet. I hurt so bad. I had a routine I did with him, even more since he became sicker and in so much pain.  I get up and still feel like I need to be doing something for him.  I feel so lost. Pain relievers were no longer helping him. We had to put him to sleep. I know he is suffering no more. It was selfish of me to hang on to him for as long as I did. But I just hate that we had to do it. He was my baby. He died on the 15th. I was only able to post this now, but the tears are still making it hard for me to type. Got to go for now.