OIMAQT's BIO

ONE MORE 9/11

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 05:50:00 GMT

http://anhourwithyou.com/g/Dark_Tuesdaay...9-11-01.html

As I remember it unfolding...

If you can't open this copy and paste to your browser please.

40 comments

FOR YOU AUDREY

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 09:19:00 GMT

Emusing Humor Network - Tons of Funny Humorous Flash Animations And Greetings - Torture The Boss

17 comments

Weather report

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 09:07:00 GMT

You know it's hot in Canada when....

17 comments

DEGREE OF BLONDNESS

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 09:00:00 GMT

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2

in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,

listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from

here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to

know if the coast is clear."

>`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`,.-:*´`?:-.

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.

One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down

to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the

mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You

dummy, it's me!"

>`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-,_,-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?-:*´`?:-.,_

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,

so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she

opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she

does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?,.-:*´`?:-.

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state

capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of

them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her

she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-,_,.-:*

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA

freshman, sat in her US government class.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe

vs.Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That

was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the

."Delaware

`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to

find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the

crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the

radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog

on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,shuddered at the

sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come

home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help,

and

what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."

`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`?:-.,_,-:*´`?:-.,_,.-:*´`

Ok. Now forward this to someone else who needs a

laugh today!!! :)

15 comments

What a Judge !!!!

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 08:47:00 GMT

Great Answer from the Judge

In Florida , an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The case was brought before a wise judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared 'Case dismissed!'

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah... yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'

The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?'

The judge said, 'Well it comes every year on exactly the same date - April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools' Day', consider that Psalm 14:1 and Psalm 53 state, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'

Therefore, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture he is a fool, thus April 1st is his holiday!'

Way to go, Judge!

9 comments

TO MY SPECIAL FRIEND

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 08:45:00 GMT

Today is International Disturbed People's Day !

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows,
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself...
You hang in there sunshine,
you're special.

14 comments

SMILES FROM KIDS

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 09:03:00 GMT

LOOK OUR FOR THE LAST STORY....IT WILL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF

Author and lecturer, Leo Buscaglia, once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was:

A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the
little boy just said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

***************************************************

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.

A little girl said, "I know all about adoption, I was adopted."

"What does it mean to be adopted?", asked another child.

"It means", said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!"

****************************************************

A four-year-old was at the pediatrician's office for a check up. As
the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"

The little girl stayed silent.

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat.

He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"

Again, the little girl was silent.

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to
her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"

"Oh, no!", the little girl replied, "Jesus is in my heart...
Barney's on my underpants."

****************************************************

On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Littlle League base ball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was.

"We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile.

"Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged."

"Discouraged?", the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face...
"Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet."

**************************************************

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think
about little Jamie Scott.

Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. "Guess what, Mom," he shouted, and then said those words that will remain

a lesson to me....."I've been chosen to clap and cheer."

**************************************************

An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.

A lady approached the young boy and said, "My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!"

"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,"was the boy's reply

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair
upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes.

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, you will be more comfortable now."

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her .

"Are you God's wife?"

************************************************

SEND TO ALL WHO LOVE AND CARE FOR CHILDREN.

Hope this put a smile on your face it sure did mine.

=

18 comments

I love this story

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 08:52:00 GMT

Dog Story

     A wonderful dog story . . . Anyone who has pets
will really like
this.
     You'll like it even if you don't and may decide
you need one.

     Mary and her husband Jim had a dog, Lucky.

     Lucky was a real character.

     Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a

     weekend visit they would warn their friends to
not leave their

     luggage open because Lucky would help himself to
whatever struck
his fancy.

     Inevitably, someone would forget and something
would come up

     missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box
in the

     basement and there the treasure would be, amid
all of Lucky's

     favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in
his toy box and he

     was very particular that his toys stay in the
box.

     It happened that Mary found out she had breast
cancer. Something

     told her she was going to die of this disease,
she was just

     sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double
mastectomy, fear

     riding her shoulders.

     The night before she was to go to the hospital
she cuddled

     with Lucky. A thought struck her...what would
happen to Lucky?

     Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was
Mary's dog

     through and through. If I die, Lucky will be
abandoned, Mary
thought.

     He won't understand that I didn't want to leave
him. The
thought
     made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

     The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her
doctors

     had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for
over two weeks.

     Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully,
but the little dog

     just drooped, whining and miserable.

     Finally the day came for Mary to leave the
hospital. When

     she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she
couldn't even make

     it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife
comfortable on

     the couch and left her to nap.

     Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to
her when she

     called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame
her and

     she dozed. When Mary woke for a second she
couldn't understand

     what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and
her body felt heavy

     and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when
Mary realized the

     problem. She was covered, literally blanketed,
with every

     treasure Lucky owned!

     While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made
trip after

     trip to the basement bringing his beloved
mistress all his favorite

     things in life. He had covered her with his love.

     Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky
began living

     again, walking further and further together every
night.

     It's been 12 years now and Mary is still
cancer-free.

     Lucky?

     He still steals treasures and stashes them in his
toy box but

     Mary remains his greatest treasure.

     Live everyday to the fullest. Remember it is a
blessing

     from God.

     The people who make a difference in your life are
not the

     ones with the most credentials, the most money,
or the most awards.

     .......They're the ones who care.

     "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet
is fighting

     some kind of battle."

     Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.

     Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

15 comments

GOOD OLD BUBBA

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 08:43:00 GMT

Bubba the mortician..........

A man who just died is delivered to a Kentucky mortuary

wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Bubba the mortician

asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He

points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is

already wearing.

The widow however, says that she always thought her husband

looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives Bubba a blank check and says. " I don't care what it costs,

but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight she

finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle

chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to Bubba,

"Whatever the cost was, I'm satisfied.

You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful.How much did

you spend?" To her astonishment, Bubba presents her with the

blank check. "Dere's no charge," he says.

"No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!"

she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," Bubba says, "it didn't cost me a ting.

You see,a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size

was brought in shortly after you left yesterday,and he was wearing

attractive blue suit

I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing

a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as

he looked nice."

"So, I just switched the heads."

GOT ER DONE!!!!!!

13 comments

MALE OR FEMALE

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 08:41:00 GMT

How
to Tell the Sex of a Fly

JUST
TOO CUTE.

This
is the cleanest E-mail joke
I've come across in a long
while!

A
woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around
with a fly swatter.

'What are you doing?' she
asked.

'Hunting flies' he responded.

'Oh! Killing any?'
she asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 females,' he
replied.

Intrigued,
she asked, 'How
can you tell them apart?'

He
responded, '3
were on a beer can, 2 were on the
phone

13 comments