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Pondering . . . as life goes on
Feb 06, 2007 | 6:59AM
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
And take without forgetting.
Jay Leno asks: "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs . 
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Being Disorderly
Feb 01, 2007 | 8:59AM
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One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." -- A.A. Milne, English humorist, Winnie-the-Pooh creator, 1882-1956
“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”--Albert Einstein, Gernam-born American physicist, developed theories of relativity; awarded Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921; 1879-1955
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Amidst all the clutter, beyond all the obstacles, aside from all the static, are the goals set. Put your head down, do the best job possible, let the flak pass, and work towards those goals. --Donald Rumsfeld
"Women have a thirst for order and beauty as for something physical; there is a strange female power of hating ugliness and waste as good men can only hate sin and bad men virtue." -- (G.K.) Chesterton on Dickens, 1911
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Courage and Fortitude
Nov 02, 2006 | 1:37PM
Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? -- Captain Jack Sparrow, grilling potential shiphands.
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Pirates !
Jul 01, 2006 | 1:30PM
"Will Turner: This is either madness... or brilliance.
Jack Sparrow: It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide." -- character lines from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl 
"The chief weapon of sea pirates, however, was their capacity to astonish. Nobody else could believe, until it was too late, how heartless and greedy they were." -- Kurt Vonnegut in Breakfast of Champions.
"According to tradition, some of them were pirates and slavers in [Queen] Elizabeth's time. But this is no discredit to them, for so were Drake and Hawkins and the others. It was a respectable trade, then, and monarchs were partners in it. In my time I have had desires to be a pirate myself."
-- Mark Twain's Autobiography (speaking of his ancestors), chapter published in the North American Review, Sept. 1907
“The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will brag a little if he discovers that his great-grandfather was a pirate.” --Bern Williams
“Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all.” -- Johnny Depp
"And don't they wear the bulliest clothes! Oh no! All gold and silver and di'monds," said Joe, with enthusiasm.
-- The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate's loot on Treasure Island.” -- Walt Disney 
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Will Rogers
Jun 02, 2006 | 6:21AM
Will Rogers said:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . . neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: the ones who learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and those who have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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Thinkin' and a Grinnin'
May 26, 2006 | 8:07PM
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. --P.J. O'Rourke
Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. --G.K.Chesterton
Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --William Feather
Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions. --G.K. Chesterton
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YOURS, MINE & THE/IRS
May 26, 2006 | 8:05PM
YOURS, MINE & THE/IRS
Our bureaucracies do us disservice
When they try to coerce and unnerve us;
We must bring to an end
What no one can defend:
The Internal Revenue Service.
F.R.Duplantier, www.politickles.com
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Ah, Government Bureaucracy
Apr 27, 2006 | 2:32PM
Only in Louisiana 
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the
loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received thefollowing reply:
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we
note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear
the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual Letter):
"Your letter, regarding title in Case No.189156, has been received. I
note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country,
particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.
The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made
in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch,
Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?"
The loan was approved. 
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on TAXES and death
Mar 24, 2006 | 7:57PM
Dear IRS,
Enclosed is my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will see the
Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a
toilet seat. I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value
$1029), bringing my total remitted to $3429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one 1.5" Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing how HUD pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws is enclosed for your convenience.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward
to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer
>> TODAYS TAXES
>> Accounts Receivable Tax
>> Building Permit Tax
>> Capital Gains Tax
>> CDL License Tax
>> Cigarette Tax
>> Corporate Income Tax
>> Court Fines
>> (indirect taxes)
>> Dog License Tax
>> Federal Income Tax
>> Federal Unemployment Tax
>> (FUTA)
>> Fishing License Tax
>> Food License Tax
>> Fuel permit tax
>> Gasoline Tax
>> (42 cents per gallon)
>> Hunting License Tax
>> Inheritance Tax Interest Expense
>> (tax on the money THEY paid tax on already)
>> Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges
>> (tax on top of tax)
>> IRS Penalties
>> (tax on top of tax)
>> Liquor Tax
>> Local Income Tax
>> Luxury Taxes
>> Marriage License Tax
>> Medicare Tax
>> Property Tax
>> Real Estate Tax
>> Septic Permit Tax
>> Service Charge Taxes
>> Social Security Tax
>> Road Usage Taxes
>> (Truckers)
>> Sales Taxes
>> Recreational Vehicle Tax
>> Road Toll Booth Taxes
>> School Tax
>> State Income Tax
>> State Unemployment Tax
>> (SUTA)
>> Telephone Federal Excise tax
>> Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
>> Telephone Federal , State and Local Surcharge Ttaxes
>> Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
>> Telephone Recurring and Non-Recurring Charges Tax
>> Telephone State and Local Tax
>> Telephone Usage Charge Tax
>> Toll Bridge Taxes
>> Toll Tunnel Taxes
>> Traffic Fines
>> (indirect taxation)
>> Trailer Registration Tax
>> Utility Taxes
>> Vehicle License Registration Tax
>> Vehicle Sales Tax
>> Watercraft Registration Tax
>> Well Permit Tax
>> Workers Compensation Tax
>>
>>
>> COMMENTS:
>> Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was
>> the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national
>> debt, had the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed
>> home to raise the kids.
>>
>> What happened?????????????????????????????????????????
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Pirates
Mar 16, 2006 | 3:18PM
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