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FUNNY DECISIONS... 7/19/08
Jul 19, 2008 | 11:11AM
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How Hospital Decisions are Made
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body,' while the Pediatricians Said, 'Oh, grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.'
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some a**hole in Administration. |
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SOMETHING USEFUL...7/18/08
Jul 18, 2008 | 10:08AM
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an
> audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy
> is this glass of water? "
>
> Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz.
>
> The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't
> matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."
>
>
> "If I hold it for a minute, that's not a
> problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in
> my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to
> call an ambulance."
>
> "In each case it's the same weight, but the longer
> I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
>
> He continued, "And that's the way it is with
> stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time,
> sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
> we won't be able to carry on."
>
> "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down
> for a while and rest before holding it again. When
> we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "
>
> "So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of
> work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it
> up tomorrow."
>
> "Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them
> down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later
> after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy!"
>
> And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of
> life:
>
> 1* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and
> some days you're the statue.
>
> 2* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case
> you have to eat them.
>
> 3* Always read stuff that will make you look good if
> you die in the middle of it.
>
> 4* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
> recalled by their Maker.
>
> 5 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
> again, it was probably worth it.
>
> 6 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply
> to serve as a warning to others.
>
> 7 * Never buy a car you can't push.
>
> 8* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
> because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
>
> 9* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get
> up and dance.
>
> 10* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by
> the bird, sleep late..
>
> 11 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
>
> 12* When everything's coming your way, you're
> in the wrong lane.
>
>
>
> 13* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have,
> the longer you live.
>
> 14* You may be only one person in the world, but you
> may also be the world to one person.
>
> 15 Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
>
> 16* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp,
> some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names
> and all are different colors, but they all have to live in
> the same box.
>
> 17* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the
> scenery on a detour..
>
>
> Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about
> you today !!!
>
>
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GREAT LOSS ...7/17/08
Jul 17, 2008 | 8:34AM
Hello Friends...
This week has been a real "bummer " for me ...I lost a very dear friend ... God called her home on Monday evening,July 14, 2008...She was only 67 yrs old.
Ann and I had been friends for nearly 40 years and she was my bride's attendant when I was married.. She lost her 2 year battle with cancer and finally liver failure...I am missing her already and my heart is heavy as lead... Today and tomorrow are her visitation and funeral...
Please say a prayer for Ann's sons , their families and her many friends who are mourning her at this time...
I also ask you to bear with me if I am a bit 'off the wall' and slow about getting to your blogs...
As always , thank you for being there for me. So many of us are, in times of crisis , very supportive of each other..That is what makes this site special to me... It is about the wonderful people I have met here....hugsss...Pat
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WAY KEWL.. 7/15/08
Jul 15, 2008 | 8:34AM
A must read for Grandparents. Those who aren't will
love it, too.
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his
9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you
understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win
or lose together as a team?'
The little boy nodded yes.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you
know, when an out is called, you shouldn't
argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head.
Do you understand all that?'
The little boy nodded again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so
another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good
sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb ass' is it?'
Again, the little boy nodded.
'Good,' said the coach. 'Now go over there and
explain all that to your grandmother.
 Have a good day
Remember those who love you....
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TOO FUNNY!! 7/15/08
Jul 15, 2008 | 8:13AM
SUMBICH
A filthy rich North Carolina man decided
that he wanted to throw a
party and invited all of his buddies and
neighbors. He also invited
Leroy, the only redneck in the
neighborhood. He held the party
around the pool in the backyard of his
mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking,
dancing, eating shrimp,
oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the
women. At the height of the
party,
the host said, "I have a 10 ft
man-eating gator in my pool and I'll
give a
million dollars to anyone who has the
nerve to jump in." The words
were
barely out of his mouth when there was a
loud splash and everyone
turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kickin its ass!
Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing
punches, head butts and choke holds,
biting the gator on the tail and
flipping the gator through the air like
some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing
everywhere. Both Leroy and
the gator were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let
it float to the top like a
dime
store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed
out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him in
disbelief.
Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy,
I reckon I owe you a million
dollars,"
"No, that's okay. I don't
want it," said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to
give you something. You won the
bet. How about half a million bucks then?
"No thanks, I don't want
it," answered Leroy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on
giving you something. That was
amazing. How about a new Po rsche and a
Rolex and some stock
options?"
Again Leroy said no
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well,
Leroy, then what do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the
sumbich who pushed me in the
pool!"
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VIRUS WARNING- NO JOKE 7/15/08
Jul 15, 2008 | 7:30AM
Hi friends... Got this from a friend in an e mail... As far as I can tell it is genuine....Never hurts to be cautious these days, so I am passing this on in hopes that it will serve a good purpose...hugsss....Pat
BIG VIRUS COMING !!! PLEASE READ & FORWARD
BIG VIRUS COMING !!! PLEASE READ & FORWARD !!!
http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/postcard.asp
Snopes lists all the names it could come in.
Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus!
I checked Snopes (URL above:), and it is for real!!
Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!
You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message with an attachment entitled 'POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK,' regardless of who sent it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns' the whole hard disc C of your computer. This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list. This is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.
If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even though sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately.
This is the worst virus announced by CNN. It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.
COPY THIS E-MAIL, AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS. REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US
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OHH DEAR!! 7/14/08
Jul 14, 2008 | 8:58AM
BLOND MORTICIAN...
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank cheque and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent jo b and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician gives her back the blank cheque.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!
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HUMOR 7/13/08
Jul 13, 2008 | 8:24PM
A REDNECK LOVE POEM
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER...
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?
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PRICELESS STORY... 7/13/08
Jul 12, 2008 | 9:40PM
This picture is worth the e-mail even if you don't take the time to read the story below.
Paul Newman
Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this.... True story. (If you don't understand this, tell your mother, she'll get it!)
A Michigan woman and her family were vaca tioning in a small New Englandtown where Paul Newman and his family often visited.
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk.After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.
She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bake ry/ice cream parlor.
There was only one other patron in the store:
Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman's heart skipped abeat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes.
The actornodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.
Pull yourself together! She chides herself.You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!
The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty.
Where 's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store?Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or so mething!No icecream cone was in sight..
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman.
His face broke into his familiar,warm,friendly grin and he said to the woman,
'You put it in your purse.'
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MAXINE'S BOYFRIENDS 7/12/08
Jul 12, 2008 | 11:50AM
NEW BOYFRIENDS!!!
I am seeing 5 gentlemen every day.
As soon as I wake up,
Will Power helps me get out of bed
Then I go to see John .
Then
so have fun, think 'good thoughts' only, learn to laugh at yourself, and 'Count your blessings'!!!!!!
Charlie Horse comes along,
& when he is here, he takes a lot of my time & attention.
When he leaves,
Arthur Ritis
shows up & stays the rest of the day.
He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint
After such a busy day, I'm really tired & glad
to go to bed with Ben Gay.
What a life! Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with
Al Zymer
and thinking of calling JACK DANIELS or
JOHNNY WALKER to come and keep me company.
Now, remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper... the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes...
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