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Wasp Spray vs Pepper Spray
Nov 07, 2009 | 7:33PM
If you don't have a gun, here's a more humane way to wreck someone’s
evil plans for you.
*Wasp Spray*
A friend who is a receptionist in a church in a high risk area was concerned about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them when they were counting the collection. She asked the local police department about using pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can of wasp spray instead.
The wasp spray, they told her, can shoot up to twenty feet away and is a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray, they have to get too close to you and could overpower you. The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until they get to the hospital for an antidote.
She keeps a can on her desk in the office and it doesn't attract attention from people like a can of pepper spray would. She also keeps one nearby at home for home protection. Thought this was interesting and might be of use.
On the heels of a break in and beating that left an elderly woman in Toledo dead, self defense experts have a tip that could save your life.
Val Glinka teaches self-defense to students at Sylvania Southview High School. For decades, he's suggested putting a can of wasp and hornet spray near your door or bed.
Glinka says, "This is better than anything I can teach them."
Glinka considers it inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace or pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 to 30 feet; so if someone tries to break
into your home, Glinka says "spray the culprit in the eyes". It's a tip he's given to students for decades.
It's also one he wants everyone to hear. If you're looking for protection, Glinka says look to the spray. "That's going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe get out." Maybe even save a life.
Please share this with all the people in your life.
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What is Politics?
Nov 07, 2009 | 11:44AM
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poop.
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Thomas Jefferson
Nov 07, 2009 | 8:18AM
How did Jefferson know???
Especially read the
last quote from 1802.
The democracy will cease to exist
when you take away from those
who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas
Jefferson
It is incumbent on every
generation to pay its own debts as it goes.
A principle which if acted on would save
one-half the wars of the world.
Thomas
Jefferson
I predict future happiness for
Americans if they can prevent the government
from wasting the labors of the people under the
pretense of taking care of them.
Thomas
Jefferson
My reading of history convinces me
that most bad government results from too much
government.
Thomas
Jefferson
No free man shall ever be debarred
the use of arms.
Thomas
Jefferson
The strongest reason for the
people to retain the right to keep and bear arms
is, as a last resort, to protect themselves
against tyranny in government.
Thomas
Jefferson
The tree of liberty must be
refreshed from time to time with the blood of
patriots and tyrants.
Thomas
Jefferson
To compel a man to subsidize with
his taxes the propagation of ideas which he
disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas
Jefferson
When we get piled
upon one another in large cities, as in Europe ,
we shall become as corrupt as Europe .
Thomas
Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:
'I believe that
banking institutions are more dangerous to
our liberties than standing armies.
If the American people ever allow
private banks to control the issue of their
currency, first by inflation, then by
deflation, the banks and corporations that will
grow up around the banks will deprive the people
of all property - until their children wake-up
homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.'
GOD BLESS AMERICA
& GOD BLESS YOU!
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BURGLARY IN FLORIDA
Nov 04, 2009 | 12:03PM
BURGLARY IN FLORIDA
(You just can't make this stuff up!!)
When Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was 'a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder.' (That's the way the police report described it.)
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, 'that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.' Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.'
The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.
Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: 'Hoochie sold us the bogus coke, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day.
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Sometimes
Nov 03, 2009 | 2:16PM
Sometimes just a smile on our face,
Can help to make this world a better place.
Stand up for the things that are right,
Try to talk things out instead of fight.
Lend a hand when you can, get involved this is good,
You can help to make a difference in your neighborhood.
-- Robert Alan
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Cherry Yum Yum
Nov 01, 2009 | 9:07AM
| CHERRY YUM YUM |
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1 carton Cool Whip
1 1/2 c. graham crackers
1 can cherry pie filling
1/4 c. butter
3/8 c. sugar
1 (3 oz.) pkg. cream cheese
Mix crumbs and butter and 1/8 cup sugar in 8x8 inch pan. Beat cream cheese and 1/4 cup sugar. Add Cool Whip and mix well. Pour cherries over crumb mixture. Pour cream cheese mixture over cherries. Sprinkle with leftover crumbs. Chill before serving.
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God and the Spider
Oct 31, 2009 | 8:25AM
God and the Spider
During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades.
Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.
As he waited, he prayed, "Lord, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen."
After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw close. He thought, "Well, I guess the Lord isn't going to help me out of this one." Then he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave.
As he watched, listening to the enemy searching for him all the while, the spider layered strand after strand of web across the opening of the cave.
"Hah, he thought. "What I need is a brick wall and what the Lord has sent me is a spider web. God does have a sense of humor."
As the enemy drew closer he watched from the darkness of his hideout and could see them searching one cave after another. As they came to his, he got ready to make his last stand. To his amazement, however, after glancing in the direction of his cave, they moved on. Suddenly, he realized that with the spider web over the entrance, his cave looked as if no one had entered for quite a while.
"Lord, forgive me," prayed the young man. "I had forgotten that in you a spider's web is stronger than a brick wall."
We all face times of great trouble. When we do, it is so easy to forget what God can work in our lives, sometimes in the most surprising ways. And remember with God, a mere spider's web becomes a brick wall of protection.
Lord, I thank you for all our
Military, and their families.
I Pray for your Brick wall of protection,
to protect them everyday!!!
Amen
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Halloween Costume...
Oct 30, 2009 | 8:36AM
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his Leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his Wooden Leg and so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week goes by and he Receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his Wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint..
The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your a$$ and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co
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Bad Nurse
Oct 29, 2009 | 5:54PM
Nurses aren't supposed to laugh…
"Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing.
"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again.
Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Fred replied.
Things went downhill from there.
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Towel Misunderstanding
Oct 28, 2009 | 5:47PM
One day a child at my four-year-old's Sunday school class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.'
Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.
The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?"
A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!"
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A Man and a Woman
Oct 27, 2009 | 11:39AM
A man and a woman are driving down the same road at the same time.
As they pass each other the woman leans out the window, points and yells, “PIG! ”
The man immediately leans out his window, shakes his fist and shouts back, “WITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he slams into a pig that had wandered into the middle of the road.
If only men would listen.....
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Two Brooms
Oct 26, 2009 | 2:48PM
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!"
"IMPOSSIBLE !" said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! ! ! !! !
"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"
............ ............ ..............
Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy... Even these silly ....little cute............. and clean jokes !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds to me like she's been ...... sweeping around !!!
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Guidance
Oct 26, 2009 | 7:04AM
Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word
Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead , both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing Lightly in one direction
or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender,
willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i" , "God," "u" and "i" dance." God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies are upon you on this day and everyday. May you abide in God, as God abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.
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UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!
Oct 25, 2009 | 6:46PM
If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you are dead.
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot...
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd. She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
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A Nun
Oct 25, 2009 | 11:21AM
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in awhile 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the
restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender,
'Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the
fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.'
'Now, how about that drink?'
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