Person 1: How do you like my new _________ (sofa, earrings, dishes, lamp, etc.)?
Person 2: Oh, yeah, how 'bout that? Where'd you get it?
Person 1: (bleep-bleep-bleepity-bleep-bleep!)

Why do people do that? Stop asking people where they get whatever from! That's like asking someone how much their tax refund will be? Or if their boobs are natural; or what color their underwear is. Good grief!

First of all, do you really want to know? Why? Why do you want to know? What's it to you? Do you want one just like it? Are you going to rush out tomorrow and get one for yourself?

OR are you secretly passing judgment - maybe even so secret you don't even realize you're doing it? Are you quietly comparing my thing to one you have? Why? What need can that possibly fulfill?

Secondly, the underlying 'rest of the question' is How much did it cost? Is it new? How can you afford it? Blah, blah, blah!

Why can't people simply say. "Oh that's so nice" or "wow, you have great taste" - are these people's egos that damaged? Or are these people just that mean & hateful?

Did you ever stop and think (actually here's where I should just end this post but...) that it could be a discontinued item or a hand-me-down or a thrift shop purchase or another equally embarrassing source? Not everybody is willing to reveal that they shop at outlets and flea markets - not everybody can get a complete room suite from Room to Go!

Yo momma is so fat…

her nickname is “Damn!”

she eats “Wheat Thicks”

she went to the movies & sat next to everyone.

she was floating in the ocean & Spain claimed her for the New World.

when she goes to a restaurant & looks at the menu, she hands it back to the waiter and says, ”Okay.”

Yo momma is so stupid…

it took her 2 hours to watch “60 Minutes.”

she got locked in a grocery store & starved to death.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she sold her car for gas money.

she took a ruler to bed with her so she could find out how long she slept.

Yo momma is so poor…..

I saw her kicking a can down the road - so I asked her what she was doing - she said, “Moving.”

she goes to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.

when I ring her doorbell, she says, “Ding.”

her face is on the front of a food stamp.

she waves a popsicle stick around and calls it air conditioning.

Yo momma is so old…

Her Social Security number is 1.

Jesus was in her high school yearbook.

when she was in school, there was no History class yet.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

she ran track with the dinosaurs.

Yo momma is so ugly…

when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.

when she goes to the bank, they cut off the surveillance cameras.

she made an onion cry.

when she went to a beauty salon, it took 12 hours to get a quote.

her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

 

The boss needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, Is your Daddy home? "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?, asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me"

KIDS ARE WISER THAN WE THINK!

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?

STUDENT: Seven.

TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?

STUDENT: Nine.

TEACHER: That's impossible.

STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.

 

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

CLASS: George!

 

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WILLY: Me!

 

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

 

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

 

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.

SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

 

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

 

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

 

Are caterpillars good to eat?

Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?

Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!

Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?

Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.

1.     Favorite food/meal of the week:

Broiled Chuck-eye steak, mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli

2.     Favorite Cartoon of the week:

3.     Favorite Joke of the week:

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."

The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

 

4.     Favorite Picture(s) of the week:

 

 

5.     Favorite Story of the week:

 

"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there"
There was a kindly nobleman whose wife had died of an illness leaving the nobleman and his three daughters in despair. After losing all his money in useless and bad inventions the family had to move into a peasant's cottage, where the daughters did their own cooking, sewing and cleaning. 

When it came time for the daughters to marry, the father became even more depressed as his daughters could not marry without dowries, money and property given to the new husband's family. 

One night after the daughters had washed out their clothing they hung their stockings over the fireplace to dry. That night Saint Nicholas, knowing the despair of the father, stopped by the nobleman's house. Looking in the window Saint Nicholas saw that the family had gone to bed. He also noticed the daughters stockings. Inspiration struck Saint Nicholas and he took three small bags of gold from his pouch and threw them one by one down the chimney and they landed in the stockings. 

The next morning when the daughters awoke they found their stockings contained enough gold for them to get married. The nobleman was able to see his three daughters marry and he lived a long and happy life. 

Children all over the world continue the tradition of hanging Christmas stockings. In some countries children have similar customs, in France the children place their shoes by the fireplace, a tradition dating back to when children wore wooden peasant shoes. 

In Holland the children fill their shoes with hay and a carrot for the horse of Sintirklass. In Hungary children shine their shoes before putting them near the door or a window sill. 

Italian children leave their shoes out the night before Epiphany, January 5, for La Befana the good witch. And in Puerto Rico children put greens and flowers in small boxes and place them under their beds for the camels of the Three Kings.

 

6.     Favorite TV show of the week:

Deal or No Deal gives anyone the chance to win up to a quarter of a million pounds. Twenty-two people share the experience. They return daily, waiting for their chance to win a fortune. Only one of them plays each day and once a person has played, a new contestant replaces them in the following show. Everyone gets one chance to win their fortune. They stay until they play.

"To have good health throughout the next year, eat an apple on Christmas Eve."

"Eat plum pudding on Christmas and avoid losing a friend before next Christmas."

"On Chrismas Eve all animals can speak. However, it is bad luck to test this superstition."

"The child born on Christmas Day will have a special fortune."

"Wearing new shoes on Christmas Day will bring bad luck."

In Ireland it is believed the gates of Heaven open at midnight on Christmas Eve. Those who die then go straight to Heaven.

 

8.     Favorite Trivia of the week:

Poinsettia - Early Mexican Christians called it the “Flower of Holy Night” and legend has it that a small boy was upset on Christmas eve because he had nothing to offer the Christ Child on His birthday. While the boy was praying at his village church altar, a flower sprang up with its brilliant red and green.
The plant was named after the American ambassador to Mexico, J. R. Poinsett, who found out they grew well in the U.S. after sending some to his home in S. Carolina.
Poinsettias have long been considered poisonous to humans, but according to the POISINDEX information service, a 50 lb child would have to eat around 500-600 leaves. The AMA handbook just lists occasional vomiting as side effects of ingestion of leaves.

 

9.     Favorite Movie of the week:

 

10.     Favorite Person of the Week: