Last winter...I took off from a place I had decided to call my home.  Grab.  I loved you grab!  You were the place I turned to when I was falling into that dark place.  I found things that cheered me up, and people that didn't let me down.  They recognized the good in me even when I didn't see it myself.

Then one by one...they started having problems, life, even sometimes dealing with issues that arose on Grab.  Internal conflicts.  I didn't know how to help.  I had my own.  But I made sure I knew where they were headed, and got an email address.

I was still here.  Not posting on the boards.  Nope!  Not me anymore.  I didn't like everyone attacking me, and I didn't have the mental strength to keep my chin up.  Well, I've got it back.  I've had major problems.  I'm dealing with them.  Finally.

THE THING that made me leave Grab, was most of the community as a whole at that time was ganging up on one person.  I didn't want to take sides at that time.  I had never seen the person in chat!  How could I make an assumption of her intentions?  And her posts were removed from the boards lickity split too most times, so I couldn't make a decision.

So I was in Serfs Up one day, like I loved to be.  And she was blocked from most tourneys at that time.  But she got in, and started creating havoc.  And I started asking questions.  I even PM'ed her with a couple.  She was in she was out, was she even listening?  Eventually I got a PM that said I love you.  I asked the chat as a whole how they felt about that.  The return I got was negative.  But I saw a lost soul.  I saw a person reaching out for help.  I saw someone that might help me on my own journey.  I have a heavy load to carry.  I can't do it alone I am realizing.  She has helped me in ways I cannot imagine.  And I have yet to see her face, or even hear her voice for ages.  There is a comfort in an online interaction.  And yes, they can get strange and weird.  But is it that we feel we have betyayed too much of ourselves?

I out out here how proud I was of my son.  He was my life...my username.  I BECAME calvinsmommy when he was born.  Not something I ever saw myself as.  I poured out my heart and my pride when he did new things, but I also did not betray my worry.  He didn't roll over as soon as he should have.  He lost language.  He was turning his hand back and forth looking at it, and it was hard to get his attention.  He didn't respond to his name.

My son has autism.  There was something wrong with my perfect little boy.  It hurt me deeply until I found a way to deal with it, and reach out to him.

I also have had a beautiful little girl.  And am dealing now with post partum depression.  And Everything that has come with that good and bad.

How are you today?  I'm AWESOME.