its been how long since i crossed? and i feel like ive made a mistake already!! i hate all this. im expected to be there but no one is gonna give me a lift!! nothin but a bunch of false campaign promisses!!!!!! and whats worst i still feel like i dont really belong, i didnt need to join a sorority to feel like an outcast. im no the only one who feels this way either.

my big sis and i dont really get along. when 2 says that shes all hers, jokingly, it really doesnt bring out an jealosy from me cuz 2 and me are in the same boat. but when 8 or 6 says it it just hits the heart strings and i hurt. i hurt cuz it seems and she is closer to them then to me. and just as i type this i get the feeling of de ja vous. it makes me sad when i see her joking around with them but she never attempts to talk to me or make any plans to spend time with me. shes the only one i crave attention from and it almost seems that because she knows that i will always seek her attention she does bother reaching out to me. cuz she knows i will always forgive her. i havent been entirely succsessful if giving the silent treatment mainly becasue im always seekiing her attention.

the only ppl i feel i can talk to is 1 and 2, cuz sadly we are all in the same boat. i dont kno if the other two feel the same way but right now i feel like leaveing. this thing is nothing but obligations and politics. nothing but a source of stress. when i finally gave up on going last night i just took a shower, talked to my mom and watch a movie and i was feeling so happy and relaxed!! apacolipto is an awesome movie.

i kno long time no post. anywayz college has been crazy cuz joined a sorority!!!! pledging was waaaaay too long, but we finally crosses a couple weeks ago. on dec. 1 at 7:03 am to be exact. it was awesome and we all got drunk at the installs after party. for anyone who thinks binge drinking is cool but hasn't tried alcohol yet, booze tastes NASTY!!! we finally get to wear letters. we got some awesome pledge bros with the phi taus and only one lambda pledge bro. lol. relations with my big sis is kinda crappy, mainly cuz shes too busy banging her bf to spend anytime with me, but ive got the awesomeest pledge mom ever! i love my pledge mom. and pledge sisters too. right now im on christmas vacation. i got 3 whole weeks off. im livin the life nothin but sleepin and eating. cant wait to go back and find out what my nickname will be. it prob way too embarrassing to mention, but i hope it isnt.

hi all. well i havent been able to get online for almost a week because of the weak reception in my room. but ive finally got it to work now so yay!!! well ive missed you all and college lift so far is pretty neat. the weather is hot here at santa cruz and i still trying to adjust to it from foggy sf weather. ive got the best room on campus, of all the ones ive seen and its awesome!! i hangin with my friends agian and two soroitites are trying to recruit me and its really fun watching it. but the greeks arent much of a bg deal here at this school. ttfn


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people if you havent notice befor, grab is [censored]in censoring us! but unlike the rest of this place here in the blogs we can [censored]in turn it off!!! so for full enjoyment of this place TURN THAT DAMN CENSOR OFF!!! its on the right hand side =============================>

and this is gonna be a REAL [censored]ING blog!! not some of those other pseudo blogs i've seen here on grab. do these [censored]ing little kids even know what a blog is?? all they do is copy and paste some poem or a music video of whatever. THATS NOT A BLOG!! a blog is like a journal or diary that you let other ppl look at!! so they can see whats happenin in ur mind.

and i havent been able to get on as much i have been in the past because i am too busy packing for college!! 3 days till move in yay!

WANTED: BITCHIN COMMENTS

on another note i'd like to say some stuff about grab. the games in here really suck, mainly because of the graphics. it repetitve and flat. and the chatrooms. is there really any chating going on? all these ill kids are doing is arguin, calling wach other [censored]s and having virtual dates. that brings me to another point these kids think there goin on "dates", i mean are these peopl really that ugly? get out and meet a real boy or girl!! the word love, its being over used. if u say that to everyone you mean, then really whats the point? u should be used sparingly so that its actually means something to the one your saying it to. seriously they MUST be really desperate in order to consider someone they've just exchanged 2 sentences with the love of their life. when the say "im going out with someone" do they mean they're taking their computer out and siting on the side walk and talkin? they sould realize they rnt "going out."


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hello agian to all of my reader. ive decided to use this blog area as a sorta release. and im gonna use this as a diary or journal to chornicle my growth through college. so i plan on writing here often. hopefully i'll be able to see the change i go through in these 4 years.

hello agian to all of probably 3 people. trust is something that can be gained and lost. i an an out wordly trustworthy person so people then to tell me everything, but my trust however is easly lost and tough to regain. so if you have it keep it! if any of this makes sense at all or not post a comment.

hello to all of probably three people who will ever look at this. well nothing much to say here yet. i'll keep you all posted on my life so check back often. feel free to comment, or to start a sub blog in my comments. tootals for now.