AS you all know my Mom passed away in Sept. of 2008....10 days after my 50th birthday.

For as long as I can remember my Mom, almost every year...but especially on certain birthdays. I remember when I turned 13 she had the theory of ...well, this is special cause NOW your a teenager.  BIG deal. I dont recall anything changing for me.  Then it was when I turned 16.  It was WOW..now your Sweet 16 !!!  Nothing major, I already had a boyfriend...so I HAD already been kissed!!!  Then it was WELL, when you turn 18..... still nothing.  Then it was WHEN your 21, your legal? **what was I up till that time??**   Then by the time it was my 25th, it was Now this is gonna be a MAJOR birthday for you....NOTHING.   Then when I turned 30,.. she was pretty persistant that my whole WORLD was going to change. For the life of me I dont know of anything that changed that could be attributed to my AGE !!!   Then she let off for a little while.........but then when I turned 40, it was pretty special to me...because, my children gave me my very 1st birthday party!!!Momma was still adiment that SOMETHING in my life was going to happen though and it didnt.   Well... by the time 45 got here,... she was almost downright MAD about it...at ME...because NOTHING SEEM TO BOTHER ME ABOUT AGE!!!!  I dont even rember my 45th, come to think of it.   BUT then this past Sept. was my 50th!!   I had been thinking about it in the months prior to it.... anticipating it, wondering if it was going to be monumental or if it would just come and go like all the rest had.......

Well... as Momma's health rapidly declined from June on..... and I had her in the hospital from end of July til Sept. 15th when she passed.....

As my birthday approached..(Sept 5) ... as I sat there at the hospital with her,...watching her, talking to her, ...her being asleep and/or unconscious most all of the time... I laughed,cried and talked to her about many things... but including those birthday conversations....as my birthday approached, my only REAL thought was actually a prayer, but being very selfish...I prayed that God wouldnt take her ON my birthday.   But, then she was suffering sooooo much, that then I began to pray the God WOULD take her on my birthday,...what better gift could I possible have than for my dear Mother to no longer suffer as she had most ALL of my life.  

Well, as the day arrived..... I began my day as I had every day since she had been in the hospital.  I went into her room, smoothed her hair back, kissed her on the forehead, and gently rubbed her arm, wished her a good morning, and told her I loved her.  As I did, she opened her eyes as she had done on MOST of those other days.... she looked at me, and asked me what day it was and what time it was,....just as she did on most of those other days......   I smiled and told her it was Sept 5, 8:35AM.  She kinda smiled and closed her eyes.   I kept rubbing her arm... for a few min... she opened her eyes back up and looked at me and in her fragile weakend voice whispered ... "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY".     I just busted out crying, sobbing is more like it.   To think that with all she was going thru, and trust me it was a LOT, that somehow, somewhere...she was able to pull that out of there.  I hugged her, kissed her and loved on her for a few minutes, thanked her for the wish of course... then as she dozed back off to sleep.  I walk over to a chair and sat down and pulled myself together.  A few min later a nurse came in to take her vital signs, and as she is doing so...Im not paying her any attention...she is just doing the routine things as always.   The nurse looks over at me and says .."Today your birthday? Happy Birthday!!!"   I nodded my head and said ..'How did you know it was my brithday?'  She pointed to my Mom, and said ... "She told me."    SO not only had she remembered it for ME...it was still in her mind after she had gone to sleep....etc.....

I stayed at the hospital with my Mom until around noon that day... then I went to spend a couple of hours with one of my Grandsons at his school.  They were having GRANDPARENTS DAY.... so upon my arrival.... as I entered the classroom... the entire room of 2nd graders broke out in song of 'HAPPYBIRTHDAY TO YOU".... when they got to the part where you put the name in there... they said....'to Blane's MiMi' !!!!!  NOW that was special!!!!!!!!!  I didnt know whether to laugh or cry ...was just so sweet.  SO....after we were finished at the school, I took my Grandson home, where his Mom,had been practicing with the 2yr and 1yr old all day...trying to teach them to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me.... so when I got there, the 2yr old sang the entire song to me....without ever taking a breath, I dont think!!!!!!!!!!     The 1yr old...couldnt quite get it... but she stood there with her hands on her hips, wriggling from side to side and mumbled,muttered out something that took me a few min to figure out... I knew it wasnt Happy Birthday, but I couldnt quite figure out what it  was.  My daughter was laughing hysterically.....  as the baby finished her 'song'... my daughter asked me if I knew what she was singing??  I said no... and she said..

Its a TV commercial.   You all may be familiar with the commercial where the puppy is at camp and is writing home to his parents... "there aint no bugs on me...there might be bugs on some of your mugs,but there aint no bugs on me"..... well... that is what she was singing to me as HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!

I left there, went back to visit my Mom at the hospital for a little while, I told her the story and she actually laughed. That brought ME the most joy in a long time...to see my Momma smile and laugh one last time.

I told her... that she finally got her wish. That for as long as I could remember...she had been telling me that ONE day...sooner or later...ONE of my birthdays was going to be monumental for me.   Well... it finally happened!!  My 50th birthday was definetly was one that  will NEVER forget!!!!!

As most of you know by now, I recently lost my Mother.  I have wanted to write about it for quite some time...but I just couldnt.  But I THINK I am ready to at least try anyway.

My Mom had been very sick for 5 1/2 yrs, with various health issues. All were very bad and together were completely debilitating for her.   Anyway, somewhere around 1st part July 2008 my parents got ants in their house, my Dad spent a great deal of time exterminating to get rid of them. FINALLY did. Took about 2 weeks.  Durring that time, some of the ants got in my Mom's bed and bit her all over. Some she knew and found right away of course,...on her arms and legs etc. She treated those herself with a cotton ball and peroxide and they healed up.  A week or so later, as Im visiting with her,...we are talking about the ants... and she siad she thought she migh have one under her arm, but that she couldnt really see it.SO I went over to look for it.. and as she leaned up for me to see it...I could see some really horrible sores on her back. These looked like bed sores, fresh open wounds....just flesh being eaten away.  I said something to her about them and she didnt even know she had them on her back.  She couldnt feel them back thee because of the nueropothy from the diabetis.I tried to ge her to where I could see them better and try to clean them or something, but I wasnt able to do much as they were already getting pretty deep into the tissue.  There was also a very foul odor. SO I knew there was infection in there.  SO I told her that I needed to take her to the Dr.  Well that is always a struggle with her. She NEVER wants to go to the Dr. FINALLY after about 2 weeks she agreed to go.  YES, I m serious it actually took that long to convince her to go..and no there was really nothing I could do to make her go.  She is a very large woman and I couldnt just load her up and take her. She had her sound mind so she could and would refuse medical treatment if I called 911 to come to her. She had a home health nurse who came out durring this time, but Momma ALWAYS refused to let her bath her, so the nurse basically only was there to check her vitals signs. I assure you it was NOT the nurses fault.  My Mother was the MOST difficult patient.   Anyway...thats a whole differen t story!!!....

Ok so anyway, I finally convinced her to let me take her to the Dr....so I get her there the next day, Dr does a culture test on the wounds, and pumps her full of antibiotics.... wnats to put her in the hospital....but there isnt a room available.  ( REMEMBER we live in a very small rural area, main hospital here only has like 35 beds or so..... there is a 2nd hospital that is a diagnostic hospital only and it has 4 beds and an ICU unit of 4 beds.) ANyway, no beds avaialble at either hospital, so Dr tries for Kingwood,Conroe and Humble...next larger towns around us that he has patient priviledges at.... no beds. SO then he offers to send her on to Houston to a MUCH larger hospital with a referral to a different Dr (since he didnt have priviledges there)  She refused.    SOOOO... he gave her this HUGE shot of antibiotics and some antibiotic pills and sent her home.  I was to bring her back in the next day for anotyher shot, if he didnt call to say there was a room available at one of the hospitals.   SO next day he calls and says they have a room get there ASAP...he wants to start IV antibiotics for her. I get there to get her....Well she has sorta changed her mind, she doesnt really WANT to go....blah blah blah.... finally I called the Dr and he talked to her on the phone and convinced her to go.  SO we get her in there and they were givng her 3 different IV antibiotics continously.    She stayed there for 5 days, and was showing SOME signs of improvement so they let her go home to continue antibiotics by mouth.  Well she gets home and1st day or so went pretty good.....then the 3rd day, my Dad called me and said that she had diarea and vomitting and if you looked at either, you couldnt tell which end it came out of.  SO I figured it was the antibiotics just tearing her up since she was being treated so aggressively with them.    I called Dr and told him, he said take her back to the hospital,..got her in there ( Yes, she was willing to go this time) she stayed for 7 days, and seemed to be showing MORE improvement.......except that she had lost so much muscle strength, from just laying bed and not moving around.    SO I got her home.    After she was homne, it was extremely difficult to care for her mostly because of her size.  One person couldnt do much for her. She had by now lost so much strength that she couldnt even feed herself.  She couldnt go to the bathroom, had to use a bed pan,....but that took 2 people to get her on and off of it.  SO after 2 days of this, my Dad tells me to come out there the next day and help him get her on/off of the bed pan and get her bathed for the day and thenhe wanted me to spend the rest of the day looking for a place to put her. Nursing home, assisted living whatever...but we HAD to do someting to get her qualified help...as he knew that we were not able to DO it.  I have several health issues including a bad back, so lifting an d trying to move her was very difficult for me, my Dad is 76 years old and has some healthissues of his own sooooo...we just had to do something.   SO anyway, I did exactly as he asked me to do.    That afternoon, I got back out there...and showed him everyhing that I had found in our area that was available and that I had looked at etc..... he then took the info into the bedroom and talked to my Mom.  Together they made the decision of where to go,...actually my Mom chose which place she wanted to go to.  I called and made al of the arrangements that afternoon/evening and the next day we moved her there.   She was there for 4 days,and I cant say that there was any improvements or not... I saw no changes at all but the move itself was so very difficult on her because of her size.  Anyway, 4 days later the caregiver called me late one night and said that she was having a lot of difficulty breathing and that my Mom was asking for me.  SO I got out there, and by the time I got there she was barely breathing,in the meantime they had already called 911 for an ambulance, which they got there just seconds after I did.  SO we took her back to thehospital, where she stayed that entire night in the ER, with a team working on her basically the entire time.   I know this sounds bad, but I sdont know what all they were doing but there were certainly BUSY doing stuff with and to her for HOURS.   The had to put her on life suport.  The next morning they moved her to ICU, within 2 days they were able to wean her off of the life support. A few days later she had to be put back on it,...then again was able towean her off.  Shortly after that 2nd time while in ICU, the Dr said we needed to transfer her to a specialty care hospital facility..about 30 miles from here.  SO I think 3-4 days later that was done, she stayed there for a little over a week.  She got excellent care as far as around the clock nursing...but she just wasnt improving...I could see things were happening within her, her kidneys were beginning to show sings of trying to shut down, she was having to be on oxygen 24/7 and she never had been before, her BP dropped low and stayed low..really low.  She wasnt on life support but she had began having trouble eating, eveyr time Id fed her she was aspirating on her food. It seemed like her food would get to the bottom of her throat and just stop there.  It would eventually go on down...hours later, but she could only eat about 3-4 tablespoons.   SO I asked the Dr if they could try a feeding tube again....which she had had eachtime she was on the life support,.....so they did .   It didnt seem to help. The same thing would happen, where ever the bottom of the feeding tube stopped the liquid they were giving her would like puddle right there and just stop.  Again she could only take a very small amount before she would choke on it.   SO they decided to send her as an outpatient to another hospital to do a cat scan  to see about blockage that wasnt showing up on any of the other test that they had done.  TRUST ME...she had every sort of test done at every hospital stay ...every day they were doing something trying to figure things out.   So anyway, they sent her to Herman Memorial for this scan....which was aobut 3 block down the street.   Once she was there, they discovered that she wouldnt fit thru the machine..again because of her size. SO they were trying to find a facility that had a mchine that was an OPEN machine (much llike an open MRI ) while they were waiting to find one, she went into respiratory failure.  SO she was treated and take into ICU there,....unable then to be taken back to the previous hospital. She was there for I think 3 days in ICU.  By now, we are up to the last few days before hurricane IKE hit Texas.  SO...on Thursday and Friday before the hurrican on Saturday, I was not able to even GET to the hospital to see or be with her, due to the routes of evacuations etc.  My Mother was being kept completely sedated most all of this time. She was in SUCH excruciating pain if she was awake, the only way to relieve her pain was to sedate her....so for the btter part of this entire time at ALL of the hospitals she was completely sedated.  On Friday I had to give permission over the phone for emergency dialysis and also for Full life support..again.   Now this made the 4th time in 6 weeks that she had been on life suport. Dr told me that THIS time was the most critical, and that it was just to get  thru the weeked until the hurricane passed, and that come Monday...we would need to meet and re-evaluate her situation and decide if I wanted to have the life support permentantly thru a tracheotomy or if I wanted to turn it off.    I already knew what my decision was going to be...but I DID want to have a chance to be with her one more time,and for my children and grandchildren to say goodbye.  SO.... hurricane IKE make his appearance on Sat AM, and then on Monday,...I go back to the hospital and they tell me that it is imperative that we do this immediately...basically that the life support isnt even going to keep her alive.  SO... I told them to turn it off at 9:57AM.....and she passed away at 1:15PM.  

We had family & friends visitation on Tues and her funeral graveside service only on Wed.Most of our friends and family couldnt even be notified, as most everyone had evacuated for the hurricane and hadnt returned.   Most all of my Moms family live right on the gulf coast so they were all goen for 2-3 weeks before we could find them all to get the info to them.  Trying to havea funeral is hard enough...but durring the devastaion of a hurrice like IKE was sooo much worse and then to not even be able to have the entire family around just made it extremely difficult.       OH... and I left out something of major importance.  Durring the middle of all of my Moms illness and in and out of the hospital,...my Dad came down with a case of shingles.  He was just beginning to improve when she passed away....and then he came down with a relapse or a 2nd outbreak whatever....anyway its worse the 2nd time than it was the 1st time.  He is just now beginning to improve.   The first day that my Mom went into the hospital was July 28th.... she passed away Sept 15,2008.  SO you can see that this time line was actually very short and busy!!!

I am still having a difficult time just getting thru the grieving process.  I kow it takes time...and Im not trying to rush it or make myself get thru it...just letting it take its course.  Some days are bad and some days are worse.     I know time will make it a little easier...just hasnt been enough time yet.   I know that the upcoming holidays are going to be hard....but I know that my friends,family and faith will get me thru it.    I fully understand that my grieving is very selfish and is all about ME. I know that my Mom is alive and healthy in heaven with so many of my family and friends.     

Just last week I went to yet another family funeral.... that one made #38 for me in 35months.  All of those were family except for 7.  7 were friends that were close enough to be considered family.

OK I have to try to really set this up so you can get the visual.... If you havent already... go look at my pic albums... look at the pics of the BOAT that I show there.  Then read this blog.....

OK.. so Hubby my youngest daughter and I are on the boat fishing..... we have been out for about 3hrs... we had 17 fish.   It is beginning to get dark.    After, a little while, darkenss is beginning to set in......we are having trouble seeing our fishing lines, so I get a big spotlight/Qbeam light out and shine it to where our lines are so we can se if we are tangled up and how to untangle them,etc....    AS I am shining the light out.... I see two fairly large golden or orange looking circles kinda glowing out in the water.  I do a double......triple.........look back and forth......... and it dawns on me those are EYES!!!!!            A L L I G A T O R  EYES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I was like OMG!!!!!    It was either SCREAM or [censored]...or both...... somehow I managed to choose scream!!!!!!!     So ... Here I am in the SHALLOW water boat,...and in shallow enough water that I could have walked/waded  thru it (about 3-4ft deep)...excpet that Id have had to go where that gator was to get to LAND!!!!!  I cant swim....Im pretty sure even if I could, I couldnt have OUTSWAM a gator!!!!!  He just kinda sat there...he didnt move ..much.  My husband in his infinite wisdom..says JUST IGNORE HIM!!!!   HUH???? SURE... IGNORE an 8-10FT ALLIGATOR!!!!!!  SURE NO PROBLEM!!!!!!!!! NOT!!!!!    SO after a pretty heated argument and me and my daughter crying, screaming, cursing, praying,.....and all of a sudden I had this strong desire to learn how to operate the boat..... my husband FINALLY decided to start the engine.   WHen we started the engine the gator left.   Ever so briefly... as soon as hubby turned the engine off.. he came back.....so after me basically threatening to become a young ( well ok a not so young ...) widow.... hubby was finally convinced to leave.  SO we started up and left and came on home .  Made it safe and sound.           

The next day,... about the same time... we are back at almost the SAME place.  This time we only had 2-3 fish in the box.   It is beginning to get dark... and Im remembering what JUST happend here the day before.... so I tell hubby that I really dont feel very comforatble being out there.   SO he decides that it might be in HIS best interest if we go ahead and go in...........so he starts up the engine and off we go........ about 5ft. and the motor dies.  It makes a really differnt sound, which I cant even begin to describe.   Hubby worked and worked and couldnt get it cranked.  Finally after about 20min he decides it is something major that is worng... so he calls a friend to come with his boat to tow us in.    While we are waiting fo the friend to show up, Im STILL thinking about that ALLIGATOR from the day before.   Hubby is jsut fishing away...while waiting....... I think my daughter was in the same mind set as I was.   I finally told hubby, that I was going to flag down the first boat I see come thru there.......... sure enough no sooner than I siad that..here comes a boat.....so I took a towel or something that we had and waved it frantically in the air..... to get their attention.   They came over to us, and we told them our story...so they towed us on in.    We called the friend back and let them know we had someone else bringing us in.   It was about an hour or so  tow.......had the boat been running would have taken about 15-20 min to make the same trip.    When we reached the boat dock, we offerd to pay the man for the tow.....but he refused our money.  His wife who was with him, said no, money... but we own a restaurant...come eat at our restaurant.    We agreed.        The next day we took the boat in to see about having it repaired.  They seem to think it is the drive shaft in the lower unit.  Whatever that all means.  ALl I know is it may cost anywhere from $600-$3500 for total fix!!!!!!!!      The NEXT day, which was yesterday..... hubby and I went to the resteraunt for dinner.    The man that towed us, the owner was there so we talked to him for a good while. We had the best meal I have had in AGES.....fantastic seafood.    If any of you EVER get down to SEADRIFT,TEXAS......I urge you to go to Barkett's Restaurant.    We will for sure be going back!!!!!       We ate various mixtures of seafood..... but no ALLIGATOR!!!!!!!

Friends..... have you ever thought about how many or few friends you have? Have you ever thought about the differences in them? Have you ever tried to figure out how or why each one was your friend?  We all know that ever singleperson on this earth is different.  There are no 2 people exactly alike.  I have thought about this over the years, but usually just put it at the back of my mind until something happens either TO one of my friends or to me about one of my friends. I usually make  acquaintances pretty easy.  I am blessed in that I do have a lot of friends.But I do not take that lightly at all. I do not call everyone I meet a friend.  I have many more aquaintances than I do friends. Acquaintances will come and go throughout your life....but friends are there for the long haul.  I have friends that I have had since I was 3-4 yrs old. Some of the people that have come into my life, that I thought were just going to be acquaintances have turned out to be some of my very best friends. Some of the people who I thought were my friends have turned out to be acquaintances.  I am very particular actually in who I "accept", I guess you could say for a friend.  If I call you my friend....then know that I have let you in a place in my heart that is very prescious to me. If you call me YOUR friend, please know that I am very honoured to be there.   If you are an acquaintance of mine, please know that there is always a really good chance that we shall one day be blessed with becoming friends.  My grandmother always told me that you can never have too many friends.  I am a very dedicated and loyal friend, and I expect the same from you if your my friend.  I do not end friendships, although if YOU choose to end a friendship with me that is your business.  I have never violated a friendship with the exceptions of when i felt that someone was about to get hurt....either physicaly and/or emotionally.  I would expect that same from you if your my friend.  I give my friends everything I have to offer them. Some get more from me than others, but each one gets everything that I can offer to THAT particular friendship union.  Each one is different based on the needs of that friendship.  Again, I expect the same in return.  If this is not something that YOU can return....then I dont need to be involved with you, because then you are not a friend and I dont NEED to wast my time nor yours trying to cultivate something that is not going to work both ways equally. Id rather spend that same amount of time giving to my true friends.

I hope this makes sense as you read it.... it sounded really good rolling around in my head,...but you never know how it reads to others.

DPATE58          

I figured while I was talking about my friend Vicki.... Imight as well share this story.....

A few years ago, when Vicki had to take her medical retirement...she decided that she wanted a dog to entertain her at home.  She found someone that had these adorable 'ugly' puppies.  They wer so ugly ther were cute. They were part daschound and part chihuahua.  I called them Weenie Wa's .  We went over and she picked out the ugliest/cutest one. Was the runt of the litter she had a deformed ear. One ear stands up and one flops down. She has a chihuahua head with a daschound nose, a daschound body with a chihuahua legs and tail.  She is red in color.   Her name is Daisy. 

When VIcki was in the hospital or when she traveled out of state to visit relatives....I kept Daisy.  She was very used to being at our house.  She was so funny to watch. She acted just like my grandchildren do.  She would come for a visit but got home sick after awile!!!  Vicki said that when she got her home it would take her a week to get her  UN -spoiled from being at my house....very much like my grandchildren!!!   Daisy plays with this  squeaking plastic hamburger.  They were very difficult to find the particular ones that she liked. SO when we did find them we would buy all of them that we could.  I kept one at my house....just in case she ever forgot to bring one with her.  When she would get to my house..she would go to the pantry door scratch on it for someone to open it up.. she wold go in and get that hamburger off of the shelf.  She always knew exactly where it was.  When Vicki wold come to get her, she would go open the pantry door and tell her to go put it up and she would take it in there and put it back on the shelf.  She did that BETTER than my grandkids do!!!!!!

Daisy loves to wear clothes.  She has about 6-8 t shirts and 4-5 dresses, a jacket, a leather motorcycle type jacket/vest.  She has a life jacket.   Vicki had a picture of her sitting up on the bow of a boat one time wearing her life jacket and a little sun visor that had little sunglasses made on it.  She loves to have her picture taken.She lovs to go swimming.

If you go to take a bath,.. she will bring her hamburger into the bathroom and lay it on the side of the tub.  If you just kinda ignore her, she will sit there for a few minutes in a stand off...then she will nudge it just a little bit... then wait ..then nudge it a little more... on and on until she finally knocks it over into the bathtub with you. But then she want you to throw it ot the dorr and down the all so she can go chase it and bring it back and do it all over again.  That is her favorite time to play with it.... when your trying to take a nice relaxing bath!!!!   She is very demanding of your attention.  You cna forget sitting on the floor to fold laundry, or wrapping Christmas gifts is fun too.  She took the end of a roll of ribbon and took off running thru the house with it!!!!!  

Anyway... before Vicki died...when she knew that she wasnt going to get a heart transplant.  She knew that she didnt have long to live.  She asked me then andmany times afterwards..if when she died if I would take Daisy.  SO of course I did.  Vicki had a legal will drawn up and in the will she had that listed..she bequethed Daisy to me.

She has been such a  joy to our home. It is like having a child in the house again.  She is spoiled rotten!!!

If I can ever learn how to do the pictures on my profil page....I will put some pics of her on there.

I know this isnt really much of a blog...but just something that I wanted to share.

Thank you for reading.

I met Vicki about 12-15 years ago thru my Mom.  It didnt take Vick & I long to bond and quickly become best of friends. 

About 2 yrs after I met her, she collapsed at work,and was admitted into the local hospital.  She had someone call me and I rushed to her side.  Dr's soon decided that she should be transferred to Houston to a much bigger and better (the best actually) hospital around. She was sent to St Luke's Episcopal Hosptal....also known as The Heart Institute of Texas.   While there it was discovered that she had a multitude of health issues mostly heart or heart related. I wont go into them because each one could be a blog in itself.   She was in and out of the hospital more that I can count. I was with her each and every time. I took her several time myself.  I went with her to every Dr appointment she had. This went on over a period of years.  About 7yrs ago she had to have a pacemaker. This solved only one of her heart issues. But hey, at this point we wil take it,because like I say there were MANY.  She eventually had to take medical retirement and was declared medically disabled on social security. Vicki was anly 40yrs old.  

The next few years she was in and out of the hospital more than ever before...but when she was out she seemed to feel bettter and was able to do more things than she had been able to do before.  She was able to travel out of state to see her family, she went camping, she went dancing etc.  

As time went on these things became a little harder on her.  She first had to give up the dancing. She started combining many of her trips together and would have to stay longer so as to be able to rest before coming home from a trip. She eventually and lastly gave up the camping.   I began to see her growing weaker as time went by. In Aug of 2002 the Dr's told us that she needed to have a heart transplant. That was the only hope she had of having a "normal,quality life".  They said that without the heart transplant she most likely would not live another 5 yrs.

 Her son moved from Florida to here to help take care of her. He went thru fire training school and graduated.  She wanted to know that he was going to be able to take care of himself in life with some sort of education and training.  

Vicki lived about 8-10 miles from me. That is a very short distance when you live ina rural area. There were times that I made that drive to her house though that it seemed like I was driving 800miles to get to her. More than one time did I make that drive only to get there and have to call 911 or take her to the hospital myself. The last few years I think we actually visited more in a hospital than we did anywhere else. I saw her on a steady decline but I kept praying for her.  In Feb of 2005 my husband and I bought a new home and moved into town. The exact same time, Vickie found a little house in town and she moved into it on the exact same day that we moved into our house.  This actually put Vicki and I living 4 blocks from one another.  We both were so excited becaue we could actually walk to see each other.  2 weeks after having made the move, Vicki came over to my house one day on her way home from running some errands. She looked very tired. We sat and talked a few minutes.I asked her if she felt OK and she said yes, she was just tired, just very very tired.  She hadnt been doing anything to feel that tired.  We had a good visit, she told me where she had put some things in her house in case I ever needed them for her..such as her important papers, etc. I knew where they were in her other house but not in the new one.  As she left, she hugged me told me how happy she was that I was living so close to her and all.   AS she left, I watched her walk down the sidewalk...I couldnt take my eyes off of her. I stood there in the doorway just watching her walk away and I started crying.  I didnt really know why I was crying. I didnt kow if it was because I knew she felt so tired, or because of the sweet things she had said to me or because I was so glad that she & I were living so close together now or just what. I cry very easily anyway, but this just felt different to me. I cant describe it .  I called Vicki that evening to check on her she said that she felt a little better and was going to go to bed early.  She said that she would give me a call the next day.

The next day I was busy doing odd and end errands and didnt hear from Vicki.  That evening at 7:45PM I got a phone call from her son.  He was crying and all he said to me was.."Moms dead".   My husband and I flew out the door and over to her house.  She was sitting on the sofa with her cell phone in her hand....she had been dialing a number when she died. It was my number on the phone..........

Her son had tried to call her on his way home, she didnt answer the phone.  He tried her cell phone it went to voice mail..he could see her dog sitting  on her chest licking her face and barking as the phone was ringing,he could hear the phone ring inside the house as he was calling it from outside the house.  He knew imediately that she was dead. he said if the phone ringing didnt wake her, the dog licking her didnt wake her, the dog barking didnt wake her...he knew.  He couldnt find his key fast enough so he kicked the door in. 

It has been 18mths now since Vicki died. It isnt any easier now for me than it was then.  I feel so alone. I am blessed in that I have a lot of friends adnI know that,and am very thankfull for that.  But the loss of your BEST FRIEND is really tough.   I could not have loved Vicki anymore if she had been my sister.There is not a day that goes by that I dont think of her, I still cry over my loss of her almost every day.  Some days are worse than others but every day is hard for me.  I never knew just how much I of our life and time was intertwined.  I prayed for Vicki so much, I wanted her pain to go away....and Im glad that she is in a better place. She didnt live long enough to get that heart transplant...but she dont need it now.   I know it takes time...a lot of time. I am not a patient person so this doesnt help me to get thru this any better. I now pray for myself...for the strength to get thru this.  I have sick and elderly parents who need me so I know I NEED to get thru this for them.  I have grandchildren who I want to spend many happy years with so I HAVE to get thru this.   I have the most wonderfull  and adoring husband that God ever put on this earth and I want many,many more years with him....so Im GONNA get thru this!!!! 

Thank you for reading this.  I appologize for the rambling..I was trying to write everything...and the go back and edit it.  Im not good at that.I dont like to leave anything left undone or unsaid.

Thanks again and may God bless each of you with a best friend like I had in Vicki. 

I guess this isnt really a blog...more like a diary. I had mentioned this to a couple of friends in a chat room and they said they would like to hear the story....so here goes.

Spring 1999... I had just come out of a really bad relationship. I was a pretty regular at the local VFW on sat nights for the dance. Big night out each week. Cover charge of $3 and drinks were $1. Anyway, there was also a jam session there on Sunday afternoons. I went to that msot of the time.  OK.. so I had been going for quite while, fairly often I ran into a lady who had been a very good friend of my Mom for many years, they had worked together off and on over the years.   I usually would sit with this lady at the VFW.  AS we would be talking durring the day or evening....I was telling her of the bad relationship that I had just been thru.  SHe would off and on out into the conversation that her son was also coming out of a bad relationship.  She told me a lot of the things that had happened in his and I told of of the things in mine.  One time in particular, was on a Sunday, the jam session was really a dud.....so I had decided that I was going to leave and go home or anywhere but there.  As I mentioned this to her....she said oh no dont go...stay my son is going to come out her in a little while.  SO I stayed alittle longer.  A few min later she goes tothe restroom. A short time later her son show up. Of course he comes over and sits with us and she make the introductions  between us.  We became acquainted and talked a good bit, danced some.  He was  nice enough but there were no sparks there.  After a while she decided to leave.  Her son stayed as did I. We talked more and danced more. Then we sorta went our seperate ways.   Same sort of chain of events took place for several weeks and months.       Fast forward up to Oct 1999:  Finally, one Sat night we were dancing and talking and he asked me if I would be interested in going out to dinner with him. I accepted. We set our date for a few days later as our work schedules permitted.   On the day our date was scheduled, he called me and said he had to cancel. His Mom had been in a reallybad car accident, was on life support systems and he had,had to make the decision to pull the plug.  She died a very short time later...within minutes.  So of course we postponed our date indefinetely.    About a week or so later, I was at the VFW on a Sunday afternoon at a jam session, again it was a dud..so I had decided I was again going to leave.   Her son was there and we had talked a good bit. He was still kinda depressed from the loss of his Mother.  He hadnt been much in the mood for conversation of dancing. He was across the room playing the 8liner game machines when I decided to leave.  My Mother was sitting at the game machine next to him. I went over and toldmy Mother that I was going to go that it was boring and I wasnt having a good time. She told me to stay that my sister was coming out.  I waited a few min, my sister called and said that she was not coming....so I told my Mom that I was going to the next little town from us to another jam sesion that I knew I had some friends at.  I had an errand to run in town and then I thought Id go to that other jam session.    As I told this to my Mom, he looks at me and hands me a card with is phone # on it. He tells me if I am for sure going to give him a call..that he'd like to meet me there if I didnt mind.  I said OK.  So I left ... did my errand...and went on toward the other jam session.  I stopped along the way at a pay phone and called him, told him that I was going. He said Im right behind you.  I went to the other clucb, met my friends and went to the restroom.  I had told one of my friends that he was coming. While I was in the bathroom he came in. My friend knew him, so she went over tohim and brought him to the table. I came back from teh restroom..... and saw him. I know this sounds really strange but I jsut kinda froze in my steps....as I looked at him, and he looked at me.  I knew right that moment that I was in love with him.    Now here I had been looking at him for the last 3-4 hours, but all of a sudden it was just real different.It was also real different the way he looked at me.  We had started out at the 1st jam session around noon that day, it was around 4pm by the time we were at this 2nd one. We stayed until they closed at 10PM, and went to another club, stayed till they closed at 12AM, then went to a local diner and ate breakfast, then we went back to his house anddrank 3 pots of coffee. By now...it is about 5:30AM.  We were still drinking coffe and he says....Well, I hate to run you off, but I need to shower,change clothes and go to work!!  I was in total shock.  here we had been out partying all afternoon and night and now he wa gong to have to go to WORK!!!!!!  I was off of work that day, and I just hadnt even thought about his work.   So I left and went home.    Durring the day that day he called and asked if I would come back to his house for dinner that evening.  I accepted, under the condition that he would let me cook for him.  It was agreed.   So I went and cooked and we had a grand evening. This was on Monday.  The next day, I had concert tickets for a Ray Price concert and asked him if he would like to go with me, he accepted.  We went to the concert, and afterwards we were going back to his house for a romantic evening..... we had been at his house for about 30 min or so and he said to me. I think you really should stay here. I said OK I will.  I spent the night and never went back home..except to move my stuff.  Durring the next few weeks after that, we began going thru sorting out his Mom's belongings and whatnot.... we found LOTS of journals, or diaries  where she had written all sorts of things. AS he began to read them,...he handed them to me to read. At first I was very hesitant to read them...it seemd so private and all. But he insisted,...so I did. There were pages and pages of things she had written about me and him. All were telling of how much she thought we should be together, how she thought I would be the perfect woman for her son.,and he was perfect for me,etc...it just went on and on.The last entry she wrote about us....she said...if it is the last thing I do I will get them together. We have been together now for almost 8 yrs. Every day still seems like the first.    We have both been married 2 times before and for each of us our parents were not real keen with our spouses.  I know that it is very important and special to have a good relationship with your inlaws. And although she isnt here on earth to see and enjoy us being together. I know that she is watching and is happy to see us together adn happy.  We finally had that 1st date....and married 6mths later.  We celebrate both anniversaries, as my husband says if it hadnt been for that 1st one, the 2nd one never would have happened.

Thank you for reading my story.

dpate58