Well I'm back agian to wright some thing else about my life and this time it is gonna be kinda hard and make some people seem bad and I know I'm not perfect and I wasn't then. First any one who reads I don't mind, the reason I do this is I try to talk to the people I tell you about in most of my blogs but they tell me to get over it or don't listen so grab is the only place I have to run to. Here gose, When we little our dad left us and mom was one of those women  who were raised to depend on a man to take care of then so she did know how to do any thing .We lost our car, mom worked 2 jobs and went to school at night .Then we lost our house . Then we moved to another house my sister met the love of her life at 15 well you know how that gose but they are still to gether today and growing but any she was taking care of us and I guess it got to her cuz she started partying hard and her and mom started fighting all the time  and then fighting as in hitting . I remember when they would start (I was 6) I would take all the pets and hide in the closet and wait until it was over . No one ever came and got me unless we had to go to the hospital.Well it really never stoped .We moved round about once every year just becuase . So we moved again into a cute house I liked it there . In the wood we would go for walks .Mom, me, and my brother.There was a little stream there and a little run down house. It was neat there. My sister really wasn't there any more.But then my brother started in on his problems. The doctors saids he was BEH . Mom never knew what he did. Almost every day when I would get home from school he would beat the pure living [censored] out me into a corner. But never in the face. It wasn't until I got older that I started fighting back .Later that year our house bured to the ground. Mom and me went to grandma's and my brother to my aunts . Well as the years pass we got back on track and we be came teenagers. Thats when it really started with my mom , brother pretty much got what he wanted and his way and after going through what she went through with my sister I guess she thought she was going to end doing the same with me but I was nothing like her  no I was not great but not her.Both my brother and sister had friends that would come over trash or take things from the house. I hardly every was home and when I was I had to be home at a certin time then , no. I would sit down and try to talk to her and try to tell her how I was feeling you know those teenage feelings of emptyness but she would tell me to get over it or how she is feeling or hurting. But them oh how can I help or you should this is what she would tell them I never had any one there for me and now I am having a real hard time with it and I am back where I was then no where . I know I sound Like poor poor me but really it's true. I'll tell you why later any how .So then me and mom would get into fights not like my sister's fights but any way she would tell me to me to get out then I would and she would call the cops on me for running away .Now I am 27 now and still don't under stand that. So the more she told me that the more I ran away but I never called her bad names , I never hit her. So I left home at 15. I quit school at 16. Yes I know STUPID.Thats not her falt, thats my falt. I left and went to job corp and came back at 17 I moved in with my bestest friend (Joan) and then met my ex-hu had my son 4 days after  my20th birth day (my x is a whole other story but thats the road I chose) Then I met my man now and we have been up and down lost one baby and had one my I love both my boys very very much.But with me and my mom, sister,and brother well first brother still at home with mom with new baby and wife no longer beating up people but not that close with him but ok, my sister, still with her first no partying great mom of one helped me with mind but trys to contoll my life and boss me around closer to her then any of then but doesn't like any of my friend or boyfriends, and mom, I still need to get over it and still helps every one but me . Me , I will help if they ask ,you can ask any one who knows me I try to help out any one you, them,thestranger down the road, my hubee gets on to me becuase of that.I've learned some on that but I do but any way back to what I was saying it's bad to grow up empty. Thank you for listening I do feel better now.     

I don't think I have ever been loved the way I wanted to be. I have always loved but never been loved . And if I have then I have  been thrown and hit and called bad names.And now that I have kid I have found some who had had a bad life as well and desided 6 years to late that he loves me. See we went through 6 years of he loves me he loves me not and this last year I got tired of it  and I didn't want to do want to do it any more so I let go and then time went by and met some one new but found out he was married to a 3rd or 4th cusin so we desided to just be friends thank god nothing ever happend also found out in that same time frame of him trying to get with me he was trying to get with my friend but he really loves me ok what ever .You know what I'm back with he loves me he loves me not and I'm tired and emty. I wish I could be alone with my boys . You know what's worse then being alone it's being with some one and being alone or feeling this emptyness and there is no one to talk to . I can't talk to my family because they love him and my one friend here is his partners wife and my best friend lives in another state so I have the computer. FUN. Any way I just want to run a way and yes some times adults want to run away to. I'v just always been this way. I have alway ran away from evey thing . I started to calm down some when I met Joan, she was my safe haven now she in another state any I have been tryen to run to her 4 year now but haven't been able to get 2 her then I started haven kids and here I am. I know I sound like I got the worst life ever  and that I am feeling sorry for my self and I am I'm just in one of those moods where lifes just not going right  so I had to tell some one or some thing so I did. sorry if I sound poor poor me but some times we do . but thanks 4 listening.

Hey every one I'm back and glad to be back. I don't know for how long I guess until my hubee wants to call it quits again, it's a yearly thing. I did learn something out of this . I learned that I am better than this and I can do it on my own and that once I have to do this again I am not going to keep braking up every year, this is it so if it dosen't work out than I guess I better get a computer so I don't have to say good bye all the time. So if ya missed me let me know cause I really missed every one here.

IF YOU LIKE WHAT I HAVE BLOGED PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE OR THINKS IT'S DUMB THEN LET ME KNOW. I LIKE TO READ THE COMM. AND IT LETS ME KNOW THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE OUT THERE THAT HAS GONE THROUGH SOME OF THE STUFF I'VE WROTE ON HERE.SO LET ME KNOW AND THANK YOU ALL WHO HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO READ THEM.

If a genie offered me three wishes, here's what I would wish for:

1.no more sicknesses
2.to truely be loved and know it
3.and yah i want to win the lottory so i can help myself and family and other people and other things

I just got done with the super ball  I am so siked or what ever my team won yah wow way to togo guys now Jarone can retier he 's been great and I hate to see him go but all that matters at this time is that he went out in a blaze of glory well this blog isn't going to be long I just wanted to tell some one and I don't have a phone so I'm am screaming with tuns of joy  STEELERS ARE # 1 THEY DID IT WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.

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OK I feel better now tomorrow is going to be a great day (ya think)

I was once a teenager but now I wish I still was one to some degree. I don't miss the rules that My mom had for me but I do miss my friends . Now  they have all grown up and me as well and we all have our own lives to live . We all  have to pay bills and raise our own kids which isn't all bad  I mean the kid part. I could do with out the bills. Any way When I was 14  and I met my best friend Joan and right away we clicked . Her other best friend Jennifer lived with her at the time we be come friends as well . Later that year they moved with in walking distance which was great .They moved into this house that had a green roof , a orange mail box , and the house was yellow so we called it The Big Yeller Happy House and it was . The first time I really got to know her mom wasn't so pretty . Some friends came over and Joan's mom hadn't got home yet and we got a stupid ideal to go riding on top of our friends car (me and jennifer) Well Joan's mom came home and we came down the hill going 40mph and then slamed on the brakes and then I met mamma Ella . She yelled at use to get in the house and we were already cryen. We got in side an she grounded Jennifer and I couldn't come back until I had wrote an SA on why it was wrong to ride on top of cars and I was part of the family , She took me under her wing and helped me in so many ways if I wrote all of it then we would have a book not a blog ,maybe one day any way at that house we had hard times and good times . I met my first real boy friend there , no it didn't work out thank god . I thank Joan had her first real boy friend there to . Joan's mother wasn't your regular mom . She would let you do just about any thing but she still had her rules as well. Any way we had partys but we had to stay there and we had guys sleep over but they were just friends ,we were like one of the guys I think . And when we had a boy friend  ,we were all still friends .Boys slep in thier beds and we slept in ours. We never did any thing to brake the rules. Why should we, we had it good . We had all the time to brake every rule but if we did that then we wouldn't have our fun like we liked to . No one got knock up or had a drug problem. We just spent a lot of time there .We grow up ,some moved and some of us did drop out of school but others did move on to better things .Well the yellow house still sits there but not for long . I hear they're going to tear down the hole neighborhood to put in a mall. Thats the sad part ,the good part is that Joan Joined the coastguard and is doing well me I could be better but I'm happy with my boys and my hubee .Some times I'll run into people from there and they are doing ok as well . I hope one day we can have alittle get to gether with our new lives and our familys. But until then I love and miss you guys from the big yeller happy house. 

I  hate chain letters . I got one to day and it told me basicly that if I didn't send it to 15 people that some thing bad could happen to me or my family then gave exsamples of storys and in those storys one person lost thier mother and become real poor and then the other was that the person got every thing they ever wanted well I am a mother and [censored]ed at all these chain letters and I do beleive in good karma and bad karma and I also have 2 boys that I would kill over and for, I can't live with out them REALLY!!!!!

 I vote NO MORE chain letters  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!       !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't get me wrong, I like meeting new people but I don't want any more friends that are going to treat me like that. I feel as if our friendship doesn't mean any thing to them when you do me that way  and I take time to find good friends on here and when some ask to be my friend on here I do look at thier profile to see if I can learn alittle bit about them but some times I am wrong about them well I haven't had to remove any one yet but I might if  people keep sending me chain letters. Sorry if this is to stronge minded but I don't take to strongly about chain letters and mostly the ones that is pointed at my family.

 I am a mother of two and I am poor so I have lots of wishes that I want to come true but I think that god is watching me and he'll take care of me .He's keeped me with my boys so far and we are happy and we love ech other so thats all that matters so if you have any respect  for any one or your self don't send them to any one .

                                 WHAT GOES AROUND WILL COME AROUND