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Hello all
Mar 29, 2009 | 6:06PM
Hope everyone is doing well, I just wanted to let you all know that I haven't been online as much as I use to be. My health hasn't been the greatest and I am going to the doctors to get everything checked out. My back, knees, hips, feet, need I go on. I am trying to do more stuff and with spring just around the corner, I have been going outside and walking around with my dogs. I will keep you updated.
Also I lost my vip membership and I am not going to renew it, wish I could but times are hard on everyone. I am just trying to get myself back to being me. I love you all very much and I really miss you-all, I am not leaving but just won't be on everyday, if you need me please leave me a message and I will get back with you soon. Take care and know that I am still praying. Cyndi
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Update on my health
Mar 05, 2009 | 8:22PM
Just a note to let you all know that I am still alive and kicking. Maybe not high but kicking..LOL It has been a week now, and even though I feel better, I am still really weak, I tried to get out and do a few things today and my knees feel like jelly. So I am trying to hard to get well, so I guess I will take it easy for a few more day.
Thank you for all your prayers, and your support during my illness, I know that I haven't been on much and haven't stop by your blogs, but once I start feeling better I will be back. Take care and God Bless.
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I am sick Need Prayers
Feb 28, 2009 | 7:18PM
Hello my dear Family and Friends, I may not be on here much, I had to go to the doctor yesterday. And I am sick, more than one thing, but I am ok, just need lots of rest. I have a virus, sinus, chest, and a mirgraine. If that isn't enough. They are all tied in together, but the mirgraine keeps me in the dark, and I can't stand this light on the computer, but anyway, just wanted to let you know that I love and will miss you. Maybe with all the prayers it will be only a few days. God Bless and know that I am praying for everyone also. Take care and see you soon.
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White Lie Cake
Feb 11, 2009 | 2:41PM
WHITE LIE CAKE
Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of those who bake for church events.
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix &quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, &helping her son pack for Scout camp.
When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She thought, 'Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake.'
This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of friends. So , being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.
When Amanda arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.
Alice was horrified - she was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. Alice did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa but, having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and, to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!
She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, 'What a beautiful cake!'
Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, 'Thank you, I baked it myself.'
Alice smiled and thought to herself, 'God is good.'
This was sent to me in an email. A great lesson to learn, think before you LIE!!!!! LOL hope you all had a great laugh also. C
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| category: Jokes |
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He didn't LIE
Feb 01, 2009 | 7:03PM
Well, He didn't lie. A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'
Now just tell me one thing, tell me the truth. Did I get you??? A friend sent this to me, hope you get a laugh. See he didn't lie!!!
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| categories: Fun, Jokes |
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Another Joke!!!! Not dirty No Bull
Jan 31, 2009 | 2:58PM
A U.S. Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."
The old rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The Water representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.
Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher's bull.
The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.
The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....
"Your card! Your card! Show him your card!"
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| categories: Fun, Jokes |
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The Darwin Awards
Jan 25, 2009 | 6:59PM
It's that time again folks ... The Darwin Awards are finally out. The annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real rocket scientist ... HONEST! Read on and remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semi-finalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
Semi-finalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
Semi-finalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
Semi-finalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
Semi-finalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded post-humously, of course):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
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| category: Fun |
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Church humor Hope you like.
Jan 22, 2009 | 9:01PM
OK, I don't write 'em -- I just forward them. Church Humor, that makes you Think.
A preacher said to a farmer, "Do you belong to the Christian family?"
"No," he said, "they live two farms down."
"No, I mean are you lost?"
"No, I've been here thirty years."
"I mean, are you ready for Judgment Day?"
"Could be today or tomorrow."
"Well, when you find out for sure when it is, you let me know.
My wife will probably want to go both days!"
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A pastor places his order at the pet store. "I need at least 50 mice,
2,000 ants and as many of those little silverfish you can get."
The clerk replies, "We can probably do that, but it might take
some time. Mind if I ask why you are placing such an unusual order?"
The pastor replies, "I've accepted a call to another church and the
pastor's council told me to leave the parsonage the way I found it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the last Sunday service that the visiting pastor was
to spend at the church he served for some months, his hat
was passed around for a goodwill offering.
When it returned to the pastor, it was empty. The pastor didn't flinch.
He raised the hat to Heaven and said, "I thank You, Lord, that I got
my hat back from this congregation."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Being a new pastor to an aging congregation, I told them
I would be serving them prune juice in Holy Communion.
When asked why I would dare entertain such a thought,
I said, "If the Holy Spirit won't move you...the prune juice will!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hot-Air Hand Dryers
My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest
rooms at his church and after two weeks, took them out.
I asked him why and he confessed that they worked fine,
but when he went in there he saw a sign that read,
"For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."
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| categories: Christian, Jokes |
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One of Maxine's Best
Jan 13, 2009 | 5:38PM
One of Maxine's best!!!!!!!!!
Minorities.........
We need to show more sympathy for these people.?
? ?* They travel miles in the heat.?
? ?* They risk their lives crossing a border.?
? ?* They don't get paid enough wages.?
? ?* They do jobs that others won't do or are afraid to do.?
? ?* They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language.?
? ?* They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day ~ every day.?
I'm not talking about illegal Mexicans ~I'm talking about our troops!!!!
Doesn't it seem strange that many Democrats and Republicans are willing to lavish all kinds?of social benefits on illegals, but don't support our troops, and are even threatening to defund them??
Please pass this on; this is worth the short time it takes to read it.
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Have a laugh!!!!!
Dec 10, 2008 | 9:10PM
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.
"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, A diarrhea run.. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
"Doctor! Doctor ! Are you all right?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !"
You're laughing aren't you.... I know you are !!! Sorry I just couldn't pass this one up, my friend from Maine sent this to me... Cyndi
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| category: Jokes |
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