 |
| All posts about: Fun |
Page 1 of 3
1 2 3
Next >
|
He didn't LIE
Feb 01, 2009 | 7:03PM
Well, He didn't lie. A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'
Now just tell me one thing, tell me the truth. Did I get you??? A friend sent this to me, hope you get a laugh. See he didn't lie!!!
|
| categories: Fun, Jokes |
 |
Another Joke!!!! Not dirty No Bull
Jan 31, 2009 | 2:58PM
A U.S. Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."
The old rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The Water representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.
Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher's bull.
The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.
The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....
"Your card! Your card! Show him your card!"
|
| categories: Fun, Jokes |
|
The Darwin Awards
Jan 25, 2009 | 6:59PM
It's that time again folks ... The Darwin Awards are finally out. The annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real rocket scientist ... HONEST! Read on and remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semi-finalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
Semi-finalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
Semi-finalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
Semi-finalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
Semi-finalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded post-humously, of course):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
|
| category: Fun |
|
Test for Smart People!!!!
Jun 16, 2007 | 8:33PM
Test for Smart People...I have determined that you qualify.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether
you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The
questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have
answered the question!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and
close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things
in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the
elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the
repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
attend...except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You
just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you
still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you
do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not
been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers
got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively
disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a
four-year-old.
|
| categories: Fun, Jokes |
|
How smart is your right foot?
Jun 06, 2007 | 11:50AM
How Smart is Your Right Foot?
This
is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying it
at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you
can't.
1. While sitting at your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so .....And there's nothing you can do about it.
Make sure you pass this on to your friends...they won't believe it either!! I tried it and my foot went the same way but I tried really hard. LOL Have fun trying... Cyndi
|
| categories: Fun, what's happening |
|
Check out the sheep game....
May 27, 2007 | 8:06PM
Getting old, are we? (who, me? - no, not me!)
Test your reaction time with this special test.
As I remember, the automobile driving manual says the average driver's reaction time is:
..75 seconds or 1 car length for every 10 mph..........
Click here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf
! ! Told You it was Addictive This was fun I need work..... LOl.. I am a Bobbing bobcat!!
|
| category: Fun |
|
Know why boys run faster than girls?
Apr 12, 2007 | 9:04PM
Know why boys run faster than girls?
Ball bearings and a Gear shift.
|
| category: Fun |
|
Special Delivery!!!!
Feb 07, 2007 | 6:58AM
VERY SPECIAL DELIVERY
May the Lord open up the windows of heaven and pour you a blessing that you
will not have room enough to receive it all.
May the Lord bless you exceedingly and abundantly, above all you could ever
hope for.
May the Lord bless you that you may walk in a financial overflow.
May you fall in love with Him for the rest of your days. In the Name of Jesus.
Amen!
Let's just see Satan stop this one. All you do is...pass this on !
God Bless, Cyndi
|
| category: Fun |
|
Firefighters!!!!
Feb 05, 2007 | 10:35PM
Just for you my friends, pick your own fireman, and just know that I have all of these pictures... Sharing some love....
1 
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
So tell me ladies, which one do you want... I love those 6 packs....
Thank God for our firefighters... Keep up the good work....
|
| categories: Fun, what's happening |
|
FOUR CATS!!!
Feb 02, 2007 | 8:37AM
The Four Cats !
Four men were bragging about how smart their
Cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist,,,,,,and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some
Paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square,
And a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned
With a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles
Of 3 cookies.............Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his
Cat and said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of
Milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
Exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee
And said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said,,,,,
"CoffeeBreak,,,,do your stuff."
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet,,,,,,,,,,,
Ate the cookies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Drank the milk,,,,,,,,,
[censored] on the paper,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Screwed the other three cats,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Claimed he injured his back while doing so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,,,
Put in for Workers Compensation...............and
Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave...........Have a grea weekend!!! Cyndi
|
| categories: Fun, Jokes |
|
|
|
|
|
Grab.com
