AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

ANTIQUE:  An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

CAR SICKNESS:  The feeling you get when the car payment is due.

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

DUST:  Mud with the juice squeezed out.

ETERNITY: The last two minutes of a football game.

EXPERIENCE : The name men give to their mistakes.

FABLE:  A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

GROCERY LIST:. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

HANDKERCHIEF:  Cold Storage.

HEARSAY:  What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

MOSQUITO:  An insect that makes you like flies better.

OW:  The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

OYSTER:  A person who sprinkles their conversation with Yiddish expressions.

REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.

RUBBERNECK:  What you do to relax your wife.

SKELETON:  A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma.

and as a final thought for you today......

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
-- George Carlin