Hitting Rules

My brother isn't very nice,

he's cruel as can be,

And so my parents made some rules

to stop him hitting me.

He's not supposed to wallop me.

He cannot punch or whack.

He must not slap, tap, beat, prod, poke,

nor slam, strike, knock, thump, crack.

My parents made so many rules

to try to stop his fighting.

I wish they'd make just one more rule,

preventing him from biting.

  

      
All My Great Excuses
      
I started on my homework
      
but my pen ran out of ink.
      
My hamster ate my homework.
      
My computer's on the blink.
      
      
I accidentally dropped it
      
in the soup my mom was cooking.
      
My brother flushed it down the toilet
      
when I wasn't looking.
      
      
My mother ran my homework
      
through the washer and the dryer.
      
An airplane crashed into our house.
      
My homework caught on fire.
      
      
Tornadoes blew my notes away.
      
Volcanoes struck our town.
      
My homework was absconded
      
by an evil killer clown.
      
      
Some aliens abducted me.
      
I had a shark attack.
      
A pirate swiped my homework
      
and refused to give it back.
      
      
It took so long to make these up
      
I realized, with dread,
      
it would have just been easier
      
to do the work instead.
      
 
      
 
      
You Can Argue with a Tennis Ball
      
You can argue with a tennis ball
      
or argue with your hat.
      
You can argue with bananas
      
or a broken baseball bat.
      
      
You can argue with your locker.
      
You can argue with your shoe.
      
You can argue all day long
      
until your face is turning blue.
      
      
You can argue with a pickle.
      
You can argue with a bee.
      
It's a fact that you can argue
      
with most anything you see.
      
      
You can argue with the football field
      
or argue with with the bleachers.
      
But I've found it isn't very smart
      
to argue with the teachers.