Being a Mother..... BEING A MOTHER After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, 'I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.' The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. 'What's wrong, aren't you well,' she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. 'I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.' She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I would like that very much.' That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. 'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said, as she got into the car. 'They can't wait to hear about our meeting.' We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. 'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor,' I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed. 'How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I got home. 'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,' I answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: 'I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.' At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: 'I LOVE YOU' and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till 'some other time.' Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby.... somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, 'normal' is history. Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct - somebody never took a three-year-old shopping. Somebody said being a mother is boring ....somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit. Somebody said if you're a good mother, your child will 'turn out good'. Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee. Somebody said 'good' mothers never raise their voices....somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window. Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother....somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math. Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first....somebody doesn't have two children. Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books....somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears. Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery...somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten...or on a plane headed for military 'boot camp.' Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back...somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies. Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings. Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....somebody never had grandchildren. Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.... somebody isn't a mother. Pass this along to all the 'mothers' in your life and to everyone who ever had a mother. This isn't just about being a mother; it's about appreciating the people in your life while you have them....no matter who that person is...

So kai has been getting extremely cranky around 7:30 alitle earlier then his normal bed time which is 8:30-9 so I bathe him early and feed him and bed. He goes to bed I then feed him again at 9:30 6oz which is his norm. He wakes up about 5 am screaming bloody murder he's not hurt or anything in the crib but it takes him a good 15 minutes to go back to sleep he then wakes at 6 am again hungary I know it's gonna take him atleast another 45 minutes to go back to sleeep ugh drag myself out to feed him I lay him back in bed and battle the play shreaking and laughing at nothing...I lay in bed listening and trying to dose off then my 3 year old comes in and it's 6:30 I'm like agh it's to early go back to bed...he says he's thirtsy so we get some water I give kai his paci and he's playing and laughing in the crib. Jacob goes back to bed. I finally here kai doze and Jacob is quiet about 7:30 I drift off. Jacob comes in about 8 I really don't think he ever went back to sleep. So I have him crawl in bed with me for about 25 minutes which I cannont fall back asleep but am so tired. I then here kai awake...Ok getting up now to start our wonderful morning.. I know if DH didnt' have crash crew this morning then I could sleep oh I wish mothers day was today..and he didn't have to work wonder what he is gonna do for me tomorrow...oh so cannot wait till nap time:tired

I'm Invisible It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; 'The Invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please. I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone! One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte,with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees. In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life -changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees. I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there. As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Great Job, MOM! Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know..... I just did. The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

At 8:36 tonight you will be 3 years old. Your father and I created you and god brought you into our lives. 16 hrs of labor with you was so worth it. All 7 pds 9 oz of you!You've taught me so much being your momma, patinece, kindness, and love, everything thru your eyes. I love you so much Jacob Michael.

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We just got word this morning that hubbys TDY/deployment got cancelled..whoo hoo!

That's all we got was a 1 month notice usually they give 2-3 month nope last mintue they needed someone...it was like getting punched in the stomach... our son was just born he'll miss rolling over and possibly crawling...he'll miss our sons 3rd b-day, v-day, our anniversary, and both our b-days ugh..I'm sorry ladies this is just my first deployment granted only 3 months but still. I knew it was gonna happen I mean we've been in 4 years I knew it was gonna happen just not in a month...Tell me how to deal?

ugh not pleasant let me tell you very scary I mean we've been thru this before with our 2 1/2 year old but it's all so new again so Jacob brought a cold home and gave it to kai and it got progressivily worse so he developed this cough that I became worried about well the ped clinic on base told me on monday that it was just the draining from his nose causing this and just to use a vaporizer and elevate and yada yada yada no medicine so we do that for 2 days and what happens it gets worse I mean he's coughing every 30 seconds can't sleep and can't eat last night he just coudn't catch his breath so we take him in they listen to his chest for a whopping 45 seconds and determine it's an upper respitory infection without doing x-rays or anything I mean guys he's only 6 weeks old could it be anything more? so they gave us this decongestion drops and it seems to be helping but he's still eating less and sleeping more I just hope it passes soon and back to his old runt self...oh he is also 9 pds now at 6 weeks old when he was 2 weeks old he was 7 pds even not sure if that is a good thing or because he is eating less

He is now 7 pds even and 51entimeters long and looking great the doc said. His umbilical cord fell off yesterday so on to giving him baths with big brother. He's waking up about twice night but sleeping good otherwise.

We started off on October 23 at 7 am we were orginally supposed to start at 5 am but there were 2 emergency c-sections and one labor so we sat in the waiting room for that long. We get things going at 7 am and I was only a 1 1/2 and about 60% well then at 8 am they broke my water contractions were mild but not that bad about 10 I asked for a small amount of phen something to take the edge off which worked for about 45 minutes then I asked for the epi after 5 hrs of labor I just couldn't take it anymore. The anesteologist came and and tried twice to put the needle in but kept hitting blood vessels because I have a mild form of scoliosis which I didn't know so he said were gonna try one more time and if not then we need to think of some other options like a block which I really didn't want so he tried and 3rd times a charm it worked so I was comfortable for about 2 hrs then a hot spot came on my left and started to move to the right it wasn't working so they then gave me a small dose of demerol at this point it was about 5 something and I could feel the contractions coming more and intense no meds were working at this point I went from a 5-7 pretty fast it was about 6:15 and I felt the urge and DH said I think he will be here about 6:45 well my midwife stepped in and checked me again at this point now I'm at a 9 she says i'll be right back you'll be fine she wasn't gone 5 minutes when I had to push they had to yell for her they didn't even have time to put the stir ups back up lol. I pushed him out at 6:26 pm after 6 minutes of pushing and 2 1/2 pushes later. Kai Mitchell was 6 pds 14 ounces and 19 7/8 breastfeeding the last few days have been kinda off and on but now my milk has finally come in and hope it goes great from here on out. I'm still very sore from the epidural pokes but doing great big brother loves him.

Well today we had our first NST (Non stress Test) and that went ok a few decels which could be for a few reason him leaning on the cord or it could be something worse which were not looking at right now we will be having a second test again on thursday but we are being induced on monday for medical reasons. My midwife who is a godsend and she also delivered our first child had many reasons to be looking at an induction with the blood pressure scare last week she doesn't want to take any precautions with it being elevated again this week hovering right around the high 130's not too bad she says but again not taking any chances. Another reason is our son was born at 38 1/2 weeks weight in at 7 pd 9 oz and having Shoulder Dystocia she's worried that if we have the same issue it could end up worse if he gets over a certain weight or gestation. So she doesn't want to take any chances with letting me go till 40 weeks. I'm excited, nervous and ready all at the same time. I can't wait to meet our little man. This week is gonna go by soo slow!~