A debonair, well-dressed man, age 95, went into an upscale cocktail lounge one evening and immediately sat next to an attractive, well-dressed younger woman (in her mid-80s).  Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he leaned closely toward her and whispered into her ear, "Tell me something, pretty lady.  Do I come here often?"

The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
- Will Rogers

Under the sod and under the trees

lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here.

There's only the pod.

Pease shelled out and went to God. 

(Massachusetts tombstone)

My hotel room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
- Henny Youngman

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
hardworking, honest people. It's the other lousy two percent
that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
- Lily Tomlin