When I think of my life with my dad, I smile. When i think of my life the last few years and what's it's done to my relationship with my dad makes me sad, regretful, heartbroken, mad, depressed, and I DO cry..
I have this dream that I'll be married, have kids, and be close to my dad. Spend time with them on a weekend. Spending time with him because I know one day he won't be here and I know inside me that day is going to be the hardest for me. That's something I don't think I'm going to ever be ready for. Here i sit writing this in tears knowing this is just another day wasted of time I could have spent with him. My dad isn't on his dying bed, it's just I've done so much things in my life that has brought our relationship to a stand still. No acknowledgment of each other. You know, it hurts inside when something you take for granted is taken away from you. That's when I realized how much he really means to me. I have done things I can't post on here because I could end up in prison for a long time so I won't push my luck. I just feel like this last thing I've done was just the final straw ya know? It hurts my heart so deeply. I'm not good at words so I can't tell him how I feel, but I can write how i feel better. Mainly because I won't break down in front of him if I just give a letter. But does he really even want to read it? Does he really want to take the time out of his day to read a letter from someone who has hurt his heart? Who has repeatedly done wrong. Take time out for someone to read how I'm doing better when I've wrote those same words to him several times, and spoken them? I wouldn't give me another chance, that's just being honest with you and myself.
I wish I could take back all the stuff I've done to him, and the hurt I've made him feel in his heart after he's given me so much in life. He didn't have to adopt me, give me his last name, get me out of jail.... He didn't have to have so many talks of the same things with me over and over trying to get it through my head. He didn't have to put up with me, he could have dropped me off that day at that place to help kids and never see him again. He could have taken me out in a field somewhere like his mother told him to do with me. But he didn't. Why?.... Because he loved me and still had hope for me though I proved him wrong so many times by repeating the same behavior. He just never gave up.
I'm not sure how to really put this now because I'm in a hurry to get this written because I'm tired of feeling hurt and wiping the tears. I wanna do something else but I just want this out there. Maybe he'll read this.

Dad, I want you to know I understand that I have messed up in the past, and seem to continue to do things that disappoint you and cause hurt in your heart. I want to say that I am completely sorry for everything I've done and if i could take back any hurt I've caused you I'd take it for you. You have given me so much in life I can't write them all down. But I do want you to know that the last three month have been hell for me when your so close but so far. I really don't feel worthy of saying hi to you anymore though i want to so badly. Therefore that's the reason I don't say anything to you when I walk into your kenpo school so often. Instead I speak with mom and heather. I ask about you, how you're doing, if there's any hope that you may not be angry with me now, just to give myself a ray of hope so i can get my courage up to say something to you. Some people may read this and feel you should open up to me, but i know different, we both do. I know exactly where you're coming from. I want you to know that all this weighs on my heart and everyday I go to work next to your kenpo school or drive by it.
I love you very much and I'c give my life to make sure you were happy and healthy. It's the least I could do for you dad. So, I end this with an I love you, and respect you more now than ever dad. I need your love and guidance, and i understand that.
So if you happen to read this, please note that I really feel like a part of me is missing without you in my life.

I'm in tears right now so I don't know why people always say grown men don't cry.

You were more than just a girlfriend, more than a fiance, you were a good friend and still are a good friend.

I remember when we were younger. It seemed like time stood still and love was all all we had. You cared so much for me, and i cared for you the same. We made love and we looked into each other's eyes. My life was changed, we gave our hearts and it was hard. We lived and learned. There was much joy and hurt. Our life was dismembered and rearranged. We came together and fell apart. Broke each others hearts. Thoughout our problems the sound of your voice was music, the touch of your skin was comforting. I gave you a ring and we found love again and trust and vowed we'd never hurt again. It was just a stepping stone to where we are now and were we've been. Remember when we would talk about future plans? Lookin back it was so long ago, so many things have changed us both. But we've learned and grown from our experiences in life. We've moved away from each other, and I'll always remember when.

This Post Is Dedicated To Tiffany J. Williams

Though we've been through so much hurt I'm glad you've found it in your heart to accept me as a friend to this day. I wish you only happiness in your life.

Sincerely,
Aaron D. Piper