"Hi, this is Lex's cell phone!  Please leave a message." 
"At the tone, please record your message.  When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press star for more options. To send a numeric page, press 7.  (Pause. Pause. Pause.) Beeeeeeeeep."

Why oh why do you do this to us, cell phone companies? I don't want any extra automated vocal greetings when someone calls me -- or when I call someone else!

"At the tone, please record your message."  Oh, is that how voicemail works?  I had no idea, it's only been the same freaking system for 8,000 years of answering machines.

"When you are finished recording, you may hang up..."  Thanks for the permission.  Used to be I would waste HOURS, waiting after I left a message, not realizing I was now permitted to return the phone to its cradle.  Now that a pre-recorded lady authorizes me to do so, I've freed up a lot of time.

"... or press star for more options."  Options.  The only option I want is "never hear your stupid electronic voice again."

"To send a numeric page, press 7."  Do you know the last time I numerically paged someone?  I think it was about -- I'm estimating here -- NEVER. 

So listen up, cell phone people.  GET RID OF THE PRE-RECORDED VOICEMAIL GREETINGS.  If I record a greeting, use my greeting, and ONLY my greeting.  And to finish reading this blog post, close the window.