Okay. But I'd be lying.

A blogger's kids re-recorded the song, and another blogger fit the kids (horrendous-yet-cute) rendition to the video: Watch.

Not to be outdone, another pair of kids and their dad made a shot for shot remake of the video: Watch that, too.

Parental discretion is advised.  The people in the movie I plan to link to use a certain bad word more than once.  Please be careful. 

But you know I love Lazy Sunday. I have found (from my delightful coworkers) a second response to it, this one by some Midwesterners.

Via several blogs, I've stumbled upon Lazy Monday, a music video by an actor you'll sorta recognize and a couple other dudes, in a response to "Lazy Sunday."

Billy Ocean is white.

This may come as news to you if you're familiar with the tune "Get Into My Car," but have never seen the singer.  His sultry, dulcet baritone just doesn't sound white.  At all.

Update: Okay, he's not white. But that fact makes the post that follows no less amusing.

My lovely wife Lauren and I have often thought that "Get Into My Car" could, in theory, be performed quite well by Brian Fellows, a character of Tracy Morgan's on Saturday Night Live.

"Hey! You! Get into my car! I'm Brian Fellows!"

That's funny, if you know both the song and the skit.

Today, we're going to analyze some fo the lyrics to "Get Into My Car."  As deuce can attest to, Lauren and I do a great rendition of this song, especially when the DJ plays it at a friend's wedding.

Hey! You! Get into my car!
Who me?
Yes you! Get into my car!
Woooooooooh. Wah! Hey!

As soon as the conversational intro of this song is underway, you know you're in for pure musical poetry.  I mean, Wow.  Billy Ocean, you had me at "Woooooooh. Wah! Hey!"

Who's that lady
Coming down the road
Who's that lady
Who's that woman
Walking through my door
What's the score

Okay, Billy.  You've lost me.  Ironicaly, you lost me at "Woooooo. Wah! Hey!"

See, you don't know who the woman is, yet we all know that in just a few lines you're going to beg -- no, plead -- no, order this complete stranger to get into your car. That's just bad form.  Buy the girl a drink first, kid.

And what door did she walk through?  You're going to ask her to get into your car, right?  So it can't be the car door.  And it can't be your house's door, because who tells a woman who's already in his own house to get into his car instead?  No one, that's who.

And then -- "What's the score?"  Are you driving around during the big game?  Or -- and I think this is considerably more likely -- are you looking for a cheap, easy rhyme?  Billy, you can do better.

I'll be the sun
Shining on you
Hey Cinderella
Step in your shoe

I will now improvise while typing, using your same meter, to see if I too can match metaphor and literary allusion in such a concise rhyme:

I'll be a truck
On deisel fuel
Hey Sleeping Beauty,
I'm watching you drool

Done and done.

I'll be your non-stop lover
Get it while you can

This, to me, seems contradictory.  Billy, if you are my non-stop lover, there's no rush for me to "get it while (I) can."  It's non-stop.  You are always my lover.  I can take my sweet little time.  You've made that abundantly clear -- and possible -- via the whole "non-stop" thing.  So, calm down.  I'm young.

Your non-stop miracle
I'm your man

You are free to be my non-stop lover.  And okay, my non-stop miracle too.  But you can't be my "non-stop humble guy," because you're too busy moonlighting as my "non-stop exhibitor of braggadocio."  But that's cool.

Get outta my dreams
Get into my car
Get outta my dream
(Get in the back seat baby)
Get into my car
Beep Beep, yeah
Get outta my mind
Get into my life
Ooooooh
Oh I said hey (Hey) you (You)
Get into my car

I have tried this pickup line at least two hundred times, with no success.  I always make the "Get in the back seat baby" section as passionate as possible, too.  Oh well.

Oh baby
Lady driver
Let me take your wheel
Smooth operator
Touch my bumper (Bumper)
Hey, let's make a deal

I believe we've revisited metaphor in this verse.  And let me just say, I don't know what "wheel" stands in for, and I hope to God I'm wrong about what you're using "bumper" to represent, but let me see if I too can write some lyrics with car parts as metaphors for body parts:

Oh baby
Lady driver
Your muffler's so good
Smooth operator
Look under my hood (My hood)
Hey, I knew you would.

Back to you, Billy.

Make it real
Like a road runner
Coming after you
Just like a hero
Outta the blue

So long, metaphor! We've entered the world of simile.  And boy are we glad to be here.  "Like a road runner coming after you," so please, Wile E Coyote, don't try to drop an anvil on me that backfires and then lands on you yourself instead.  Metaphorically speaking.

The song pretty much repeats for the remainder of the ditty...  With one addition below:

I'll be your non-stop lover
Get it while you can
Your non-stop miracle
I'm your man
Get outta my dreams
Get into my car
Get outta my dreams
Get in the back seat baby
Get into my car
Beep beep, yeah
Get outta my mind
Get into my life
Ooooh
Oh I said hey (Hey) you (You)
Get into my car

Oh baby, lets go!

I said open the door
(Get in the back)
Tread on the floor
(Get on the track)

I mean, c'mon Billy.  You want the chick in your car, but you insist she's gotta take the backseat.  Now you're telling her how to use the floor?  What's a girl got to do to get some respect with you?

Redeem yourself, Mr. Ocean.  Wow me with your lyrical prowress:

Yeah (Yeah) yeah (Yeah)
Yeah (Yeah) yeah (Yeah)

Let's go!!

Oooh, wooow, yeah

Well-played.

I'll be the sun
Shining on you
Hey Cinderella
Step in your shoe
I'll be your non-stop lover
Get it while you can
Your non-stop miracle
I'm your man

Get outta my... get outta my...
Woooooooooh (KEY-CHANGE!)
Get out my dreams

Repeat chorus 5,000,000 times.

You know already from earlier blog posts that I'm crazy about the SNL digital video short "Lazy Sunday," which I saw as it aired live on the show.

I didn't realize until today that the New York Times had done a write-up on the song.

While I was on vacation, we spent a day in Queens, NY, with family and friends. Mostly Jewish family and friends, in fact.

One of the folks in attendance mentioned how much fun she had had at a Christmas party earlier that week, when those in attendance had sung "The 12 Days of Christmas" together. Each person had been assigned a day (e.g., one person sang "and a partridge in a pear tree" each time around).

We decided to emulate that singalong -- with a twist: Each person would make up the items for that day.

My father-in-law started:

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong."

That's "thong," stretched out by many syllables.

Others would enter the rooms to see what was going on, and would be put on the spot to participate, often against their will. Whatever they said would be worked into the song.

The finished ditty went a bit like this:

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Twelve "I want cake"s
Eleven cans of something
Ten bags of ice cream
Nine babies screaming
Eight shots of tequila
Seven weird people
Six random singalongs
Five bellybutton rings
Four sets of twins
Three candy stripers
Two Jewish chicks
And a thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

My vacation is almost over. Lauren and I will fly back to LA early, early tomorrow (6:30am Eastern, which is 3:30am Pacific), and then once we're back in LA, I'll actually be going in for a full day's work at Grab HQ. That should be fun! If the site falls down tomorrow, I blame me.

In OTHER news... Remember two blog posts ago, when I wrote about "Lazy Sunday," the Chronicles of Narnia-themed rap on SNL? It's available free on iTunes, and now Slate says the video actually means something for rap.

As it turns out, Slate's wrong. But it's still a good article.

We can't be TOO sad about returning to Los Angeles, though, because it does mean one very, very exciting thing:

CHARLIE! We haven't seem the little guy in nearly a week and a half, and we are (all, Charlie included!) looking forward to the big reunion!

Actor John Spencer, most famous for his role as Leo McGarry on The West Wing, died earlier this week. That's certainly sad, as he was a great actor -- especially on that show.

It'll be interesting to see how the show deals with his death, of course. At the start of this season, we saw a scene that took place a few years in the future (where we learned that CJ marries Danny and that everyone including Josh and the President starts speaking to Toby again). And, if I'm not mistaken, Leo was there.

But in happier news, The New York Times leaked information about a forthcoming song from "Weird Al" Yankovic's next album (which won't be out till sometime in 2006). Al's often very secretive about the songs on a forthcoming album, and I'm always dying to know more specifics about what I have to look forward to on his next release.

So, kudos to the times for mentioning that animators working on a video for Al are doing so for a number called "Don't Download This Song" (sung to the tune of "We Are the World"). (link)

DJ Shlomotion presents It's A Bar Mitzvah.

This is taffy70's favorite DJ Shlomotion song, as well as foobonic's, and also DJ Shlomotion's.

How was your weekend? 

I spent time with my lovely wife Lauren, spent some time with my hilarious friend Seth, and, of course, went back into the studio to record my second DJ Shlomotion track: "Not Enough Rhymes (With Hannukah)."

What's interesting is that, thus far, both of my DJ Shlomotion recordings have come out of challenges from my coworker ricemag.  Originally, he said that my first lyrics for "Breakin' Down Walls" didn't seem to scan, so I had to record the tune to prove him wrong.

Then, he accepted that the lyrics did scan, but said that the song was too fast for his liking; he wanted something with more of a slow, Snoop-ish groove.

Hence, "Not Enough Rhymes (With Hannukah)."

At this point, I may well be the only one who cares. But... I've put together a much better mix of "Breakin' Down Walls." In this version, you can actually hear/understand the 2nd and 3rd verses, the bass line changes up a bit, the beats are a little slicker, and the whole thing sounds considerably more polished. Now, Grab staffer ricemag wants to record his own Jewish rap tune so that we can have a Jewish rap battle. To him, I say this: Bring it on. I'll win. Holla!

Grab staffer foobonic sent out my DJ Shlomotion rap recording that I posted yesterday to several of his Jewish friends, and he thinks that I may have started a Jewish rap war.

I'm armed and ready -- because I've now recorded a FULL LENGTH version of the song.  Fasten your seatbelt.

The original, full-length DJ Shlomotion joint: Breakin' Down Walls.

Grab staffer ricemag said that my rap from yesterday didn't cut it -- he couldn't hear the meter that my mad rhymes were supposed to use.

So, I promised him I'd record my hit ditty from yesterday. And I'm a man of my word.

Check out my first DJ Shlomotion Jewish rap hit: Walls.

I came across an article on the rise of Jewish rappers. The article quotes Jewish rap rhymes like:

My nose is large, and you know I'm in charge.

and

Torah food for my brain let it rain till I drown, Thunder! Let the blessings come down

I've realized two things:

1. I'm Jewish, and
2. I can bust a phat rhyme, yo.

A coworker of mine (foobonic) suggested the name "MC Oy Vey" for my burgeoning rap career.  I'm thinking more along the lines of "DJ Shlomo-tion." 

To show you all that DJ Shlomo-tion is the real deal, I'm gonna freestyle some new Jewish rap lyrics below.  No edits, no time to think.  I'm like Eminem's "Rabbit" in 8 Mile, only with a little more gefilte:

Update: Now you can even hear the MP3 of this tune!

I'm rakin' in cash
Like a Chabad telethon
When I spin beats,
It's like a dreidle: On and on
Keep your 50 Shekel, that Jewish rapper's gone
DJ Shlomo-tion's here, and he's takin' things by storm
I can spell Channukah maybe thirteen different ways
I won't come to work on the high holidays
When the Jews start to rap, there will be no way to stop us
Unless you hold the Grammy's on a Friday night -- that's Shabbos
But if you holla for challah and you like your latkes fresh
And you know that in Hebrew, "to ask" becomes the word "l'vakesh"
If you live for chicken soup with a scoop of matzah balls
Then you better respond when you hear the shofar calls
Cuz it's announcing
The forthcoming trouncing
Of the world of rap by Jewish rappers who be bouncing
Off the walls
Cuz this sure ain't schmalz
I'm the master Jewish rapper with a style that enthralls
So grab all your yarmulkes, and your tallis prayer shawls
DJ Shlomo-tion's here and he's breaking down walls.

Yesterday's post about Men at Work's "Who Can It Be Now?" ("Is it the man, come to take me away?") got me thinking about other paranoid 80s songs.  There's Rockwell featuring Michael Jackson in "Somebody's Watching Me" ("I always feel like somebody's watching me... Can the people on TV see me, or am I just paranoid?")  There's Chicago, in "Look Away" ("Don't look at me. I don't want you to see me.")  Will Smith, as the Fresh Prince, was a bit paranoid about a guy named Freddie, in "Nightmare on my Street" late in the 80s.

Michael Jackson continued to be somewhat paranoid in Billie Jean ("The kid is not my son!"). Tears for Fears was convinced that "Everybody Wants to Rule the World," presumably at SOMEONE'S expense.  Queen and David Bowie felt "Under Pressure."  And Billy Joel was convinced that some unknown person or persons had started a fire, and that the dang thing was still burnin'.

And of course, there are a few 80s songs that give one cause to BE paranoid ("Every breath you take ... I'll be watching you," sang the Police, creepily.)

So -- what paranoid 80s songs have I missed?