Well how do I start this, OK, I have been in PB , for the last 5 days, yep that's right, dammit, for that picture I put in my profile, funny thing is, it was there for over a month, lol, what a joke, so again we start with someone being a childish little brat reported me, and of course with our great dam MODS here, they only listen to the ones they want, I have had some beautiful emails telling me not to leave stay and show them, but you know its hard sometimes when you know someone wants to hurt you all the time, but I will be checking in and checking mail and so on, I have good friends here that stand by me, as it has happen to them also, WHY, WHY, do people always want to push you and hurt you, don't know, I'm not saying im perfect, omg, I'm not, but I do have a heart, and its a big one, if you took the time to know me...
So again I sign into grab, waiting for that someone to start there game again, thing is now, I'm tired of this game that someone is playing and like to say, have the game by yourself, complain all you want about my pictures and about my blogs, see I figure, is you have to come here and look and see what im doing, while you are doing that, my stats go up, lord this week I did good, LMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, so who is the fool now...
To all those who have wrote to me, You are my true friends, and I will stand by you any day, that I know...OK lets get back to playing real games, not mind ones, hugs to all my true and dear friends, you know who you are, love ya


here's to you my friends




Hugs Linda

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

 

But they only know how to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest inquired.

They say,

'Hi, we're hookers!

Do you want to have some fun?'

That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said,

'I may have a solution to your problem.

I have two male talking parrots,

Which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house,

And we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,

And your parrots are sure to stop saying . .

That phrase . . In no time.'

Thank you,' the woman responded,

'this may very well be the solution.'


The next day,

She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

As he ushered her in,

She saw that his two male parrots
Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed,
She walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes,

The female parrots cried out in unison:

Hi, we're hookers!

Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

Shocked,

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot

And exclaimed,

'Put the beads away, Frank.

Our prayers have been answered!'

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'  The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'  'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles. OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'  The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'  To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power  when you don't know $hit!!

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches  Maxine sitting by herself :
Man: 'May I buy you a cocktail?'
Maxine: 'No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.'
Man: 'Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?'
Maxine: 'No, they spread .'

 

A lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man,and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is Your name?''I can't tell you,' the black man says.Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?''I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me.' says the black man.'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' the lady says. 'Fine, my name is Snow!' the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says,' I knew you would make fun of it'.The lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica.

 

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.' 'Oh, really? Darn,' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me...' 'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money?' 'You didn't steal it, did you?' 'Oh, no,' says the little old lady. You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I grab it and I say, ''$20 or off it comes!'' ' 'OK, that seems only fair,' laughs the cop. 'So, good luck. Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?' 'Well, you know', says the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'

This is a must read…..too funny!!!



I went to the Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to s**t yourself' roadkill chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, S**t, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneros in the chili from the night before were=2 0staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.. .......BIG mistake!!!!!

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe' . He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing a t me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowe's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.
Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store..

Nothing need be said!!!!!!!

RELAX!!






TO ALL MY 'NUTTY' FRIENDS
Have a fabulous STRESS FREE Day!

And remember : Handle every stressful situation like a dog.


" [censored] on it and walk away "

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR


If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that’s not the worst of it.



My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here’s the worst of it……..

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter…….either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!!!!!

I recall the first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.


I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'


So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.


'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it..


Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.


As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'


So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.


She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked.


I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.


She fainted.