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The Loss of a Dear Friend

This is my frist attempt to write about someone that was very dear to my heart. Carol and I met at work, and became steadfast friends. We were both single, and enjoyed so many fun times. We actually took each other to a Valentine's Dance (before you ask we both loved the opposite sex). It was probably the best date I had ever had to a Dance and she always said the samething. We both bought each other corsages, and laughed about it endlessy. I introduced her to a guy I dated one time at the dance, and they became very close. He is a good guy, but he wasn't for me, but he was a good friend. I was happy for her. She deserved this happiness. Carol had raised both her children by herself, and he had raised his children by himself. Carol's husband had no involvement in his children's life. Carol was loved by all and I always felt so lucky to have her as my best friend. We did so many things together, and she was of course maid of honor at my wedding. My husband loved her as a friend also. So seldom does that happen that everyone is so close. As we grew, Carol and her boyfriend would come over for dinner, for cookouts, for football games, etc. They were there for the births, I knew Carol's Mom, sister, brother and his family. We celebrated holidays together. My parents met and loved Carol. My brother and sister were the same way. I should have known she was more than angel in my life.

One Saturday morning my hubby and I were sleeping in, when the phone rang. It was Carol, her daughter, had been in a car accident and had died. There were 6 kids in the car, Beth had been drinking, but she was the only fatality. God was with them. I went to Carol immediately. Her family was there. I had never seen Carol in the state she was in, she had lost the love of her life, her daughter, and everyone knows that is not the natural way things happen. Brian her son went to the scene of the accident, and found that his sister had not even braked when she ran into the tree, and that also she had been drinking. It was a very sad time in our lives which we worked on daily. My husband and I were with Carol every day. Carol asked me to go with her to the funeral home to help dress her daughter and do her hair for the funeral. I told Carol they have people that do that, but she said to me"This is the last time I will get to place my hands on my child" How could I deny that.I was worried I wouldn't be able to carry out this task, but knew I had to. I prayed that morning in the shower to God to help me through this.  I went to Carol's and we went to the funeral home. Her son and Mom went with us., but she wouldn't let them back to see Beth. We went back, and my friends knees buckled at the door, my husband held her up and she just screamed when she saw her. I once again told her there are people to help with this,  that she did not have to. She reminded me why she had to do it. We went into the room where she laid on a table. I handed Carol the brush, we began pcking glass out of her hair, we washed it, we dried it, we curled it and God was by my side the entire time. I watched my friend work on her child's hair, and say to her "Beth, Mom is going to fix your hair just like you like it". I never saw such love flow in front of me. There was no greater love. She wanted to dress her daughter, but the funeral home put their foot down there, (as the bottom half of her body was way to mangled to be shown). I told her they needed to do their final touches on her when dressing her, yes I lied to my friend, but I did it for her benefit. She bought that, and we put makeup on Beth, which the funeral home later had to touch up. I said my goodbyes to Beth, and so did Dennis. We took Carol home and stayed with her. I would not leave her side. We went to the viewing, the viewing went on for hours. Beth's father showed up with his new wife. They stood on the other side of the casket and receiving line. Carol, and the beautiful soul she was took each person and introduced them to Beth's father. I told her I don't know that I could have done that, since the man had nothing to do with Beth, and Beth made it clear many times she needed her father. Carol would always do whatever it took to make her life easier. One month passed after this, it was Easter morning. I went to Carol's early. we sat on her balcony and had coffee and talked. I actually was the first one to start crying, and she started crying too. This was the first Easter without Beth. I told Carol she was watching us and looking after us. Carol said she believed that. We actually turned our tears into laughter over some of the great times we had shared with Beth. My daughter was very close to Beth, and missed her so much she could not even go to her funeral. It was heartbreaking. She went to the viewing and Dennis had to carry her out of there. It was too much for her. She was pregnant at the time with Austin.

The next year brought many changes in our lives with Carol. I spent more and more time with her. Her Mother moved in with her.  Her mother would share with me the fact that Carol was wishing she would die. I got Carol into counseling. She seemed to be doing a little better, but she remained with the death wish to join Beth. Her boyfriend was right there with her, even wanted to marry her, but she refused. I guess if anyone could have willed themself to death it was my dear friend Carol. Shortly after that she was diagnosed with cancer, and she refused treatment. Ultimately, I lost my dear friend to God also. It was the day my world stopped. I still miss her, guess I always will. I miss her laughter, and her caring. I miss her positive attitude and helping make all things right. She was an angel on earth, and I am sure she is in heaven now, and I know she is happy, she is with her baby girl. Her wish did come true, she joined her daughter one year  after her daughter had left.

There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't miss my best friend int he world. There isn't a day I don't find myself talking to her. There was  a time I was mad as hell for her choosing to leave me. I know I will never have a friend like her again, she is a once in a life time adventure and I don't ever want to replace her. She was my hero, and I loved her as a friend.

Carol this is for you, since we are coming upon that Easter again we shared on your balcony. my tears still flow for you and for Beth. I sadly haven't remained in touch with her mom, and I miss her too, nor have I not remained in touch with Brian. It was and is still to painful to see them without Carol being there. For this I appologize, but I can't bring myself to be near them without all the pain emerging. This is the first time I have written of Carol and my big loss, and the tears are really streaming. I miss you Carol, always will. It has been 10 years  and things are the same. The pain is no better. I hoped this would help me move past this loss, but I don't think it has.

Thank you dear grab friends for letting me share with you this ultimate pain I have. I will say this Carol made me a better person. She let me see life in a broader way and I try very hard to see things through her eys. Love you my dear friend, and God needed you home. Love  and God Bless you, Barbara