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Smile... it's your birthday!!
Apr 28, 2008 | 1:53AM
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Happy Birthday Renay
Apr 27, 2008 | 11:53PM
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One More Day... For Renay
Mar 19, 2008 | 1:59PM
The video is not important. Just close your eyes and listen to the words of the song. I miss you like crazy. I love you, my precious Baby Girl.
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The fun is over... but man oh man, it was a blast!!
Mar 19, 2008 | 1:42PM
This is to let you know that I am back at home and Renay is on her way back to Australia. She extended her visit for another week. Instead of leaving on the 12th, she left this morning. The last that I saw of her was around 7:30 AM. Her departure was not a happy one. I felt as though my heart was breaking. My stepson said it was the saddest thing he had ever seen. Renay didn't want to leave and I didn't want to let her go. She is only gone from me physically. In my heart I hold her and I will never let her go. Renay will let you all know what has been happening and she'll upload some photos as soon as she gets back to her place in Australia. Never again will I refer to Australia as her home because her home is here with me and the rest of her family. We had a beautiful time together. So much love was shared over the past 6 weeks. This was not goodbye. It is only 'see you in a while'. Renay is coming back home. We are going to find a way to have her here with us. I don't want to spoil any of Renay's surprises. She'll tell you all when she gets back online. I just want to share this with you. Renay and I read an amazing book titled, The Shack. I highly recommend this book. You can check it out online. This book will forever bring you to a closer relationship with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. This is taken from the author's Acknowledgments. "Most of us have our own grief, broken dreams, and damaged hearts, each of us with our unique losses, our own 'shack'. I pray that you find the same grace there that I did, and the abiding presence of Papa, Jesus, and Sarayu will fill up your emptiness with joy unspeakable and full of glory." I guess that's about all for now. As Renay would say... That'll do pig. I've missed you all, but I've had the time of my life... a dream come true. I held my Baby Girl close to my heart.
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Thank you
Jan 24, 2008 | 2:09PM
I know most of you keep up with what is happening by reading Renay's blogs. Anything that I put here will be read by a few of the same friends so there's no need in repeating what Renay has already told you.
This will probably be my last opportunity to be here for a while. I'll work for the next 4 nights, have 3 days to get everything taken care of on my end, and then my Baby Girl will be here by February 1st.
As much as we love each other, there are still thousands of miles between us. Sometimes it's so easy to let the old devil come around and give us doubts. Renay's biggest nightmare is getting on that plane and then not being able to find me when she lands in Memphis. She's afraid that I'm not going to be there at the airport. I assure her that is not going to happen. I've got to find some bells, because I told her I would be there with bells on. My fears are small compared to hers. It's just that sometimes for the life of me, I can't see how she can love me.
So, now I have to show you something. Please forgive me. It is a bit like showing off.
In a recent conversation, I typed: I am so blessed to have you love me. I know you don't understand that because you see me already having a family.
I see an old woman with thinning hair and teeth falling out and a chicken neck and I ask myself what could you see to love.
Punkin typed straight from her heart: i see my mama, a heart that loves me and arms that will hold me and i see into your soul and it is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen
Okay, bragging is over. Now to the main purpose of this blog.
To our friends and family, I want to say thank you for the concern that you all have shown to Renay and me over this past year. Thank you for sharing in our joy. More important than anything else thank you for your love and support and for all the prayers that you offered up on our behalf. I may have left someone out. If I did, I apologize. I tried to look at all the blogs, Renay's and mine, to get this little board together.
Here's to the Grab Angels who made it to the Hall of Fame for the most Love and Support shown to their sisters.
Hall of Fame of Love and Support
 
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In Memory of Majesta
Jan 02, 2008 | 12:54PM
Majesta Dean VanHoozer
8/29/60 - 12/28/07
http://www.grab.com/profiles/p/JAS2960
Majesta, became ill on December 26th and sadly for the ones she left behind, she passed away at Vanderbilt Hospital on the 28th. The last email from her came on the 26th. Little did I know that soon she would be gone.
I never met her in person. I never heard her voice, but she touched my heart and she became a part of my family. I'm going to miss her emails. I'm going to miss her little messages telling me how much she loved me.
This is a short video with beautiful scenes and soothing music. I very much like the ending. This is for Majesta. I cry everytime I think of her. I cry for myself, her family, and friends. Majesta is free now. She can fly away without any pain or worries. She'll be waiting for us where there are no days with rain and there are never any tears.
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A happy/sad day
Dec 06, 2007 | 3:02PM
I have cried from the moment I opened my yahoo email this afternoon. Renay sent some of the most beautiful gifts. Words and music are very precious indeed when they come from someone you love very much. What a daughter says to her mother is worth more than silver and gold.
I would like to share with you two of the greeting cards Renay sent. The cards play two of my favorite songs.
http://www.quickegreets.com/family/mam67.htm
http://www.care2.com/send/pickup/9338-1379-18493-9792
Every day is Mother's Day when you have a daughter like Renay. I loved these cards. They touched my heart and brought the tears... which is a good thing because I haven't cried very much lately. We all need a good cry. This was a happy cry because I knew Renay had put her heart and soul into all the emails she sent. Still, there is some sadness...
Blue is my favorite color but this time of the year the color blue takes on a different meaning. How I feel can be taken from the words of a song.
Blue Christmas
I'll have a Blue Christmas without you.
I'll be so blue thinking about you.
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree,
Won't mean a thing if you're not here with me.
The only reason I can be happy is knowing that my Baby Girl will be home soon. But there is still a great sadness within me. I look around at all the Christmas decorations and I think... These won't be here when Renay comes home. I keep holding on to my dreams, because we'll celebrate every holiday and birthday while she's here. And some day, God willing, we'll be spending Christmas together.
Punkin, I know how you feel about Christmas, but I already had these for you. The first one you've already seen. The others, well, I'm no artist, but they come from my heart.
Soon, Baby Girl, we won't have to depend on angel kisses.
All I can say now is...
Hurry Christmas!!
Hurry New Year's Day!!
Hurry home, Punkin!!
Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!
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HeartsHunter's Birthday
Nov 28, 2007 | 12:37PM
This is a long story. It's all true.
John "HeartsHunter" came into my life on September 11, 2005. It was apparent to me that he was thought highly of on Grab and I was honored that he accepted my friend request.
John is special to a great many people. I have always thought of him as an eagle, an angel, and a super hero. He taught us how to insert music links and pics on our profiles. He gave us beautiful Power Point Slideshows to view. He shared his talents with us but it's more important that he shared his time with us. Along the way he taught us to smile and be happy. He taught his young friends how to spread their wings and fly. He reminded his older friends what it was like to soar again.
I didn't fully understand why he was placed in my life until last November. I received a Grabmail from Renay. It was one year and two days since I had last heard from her. I couldn't get a reply to her. I tried, failed, and my heart sank. I felt that I had to get a message to her and John was the first person who came to my mind that I could ask to do that for me.
He didn't ask any questions. He sent the message to Renay. After a couple of days of not hearing from Renay, I thought John's efforts had not made a difference. I hadn't heard from Renay and I thought by then that she probably wasn't going to reply. In her letter to me, she had said she wasn't expecting to hear from me. She only wanted to tell me she at last understood what I had told her was right.
So, I had given up hope but I signed John's guestbook thanking him for his help.
Date Posted:Nov 26, 2006 10:54 PM
Thank you for all your help, John. You will probably never fully understand how much you mean to me. You care very deeply and you only want to see your friends smile. That's what I want for you... keep smiling. Have a great week. Peace, love and happiness to you, my brother.
Love,
Shirley
God intended for Renay and me to be together. The Lord led me to the one mortal man who could, at that time, bring us together again. If I'd given up on trying to get a message to Renay; if I'd resigned myself to the fact that she was only communicating with me and didn't really want to hear directly from me, then I would have lost my little girl. Now, because of John's help, Renay and I are back together the way we were always meant to be and we are finally going to meet.
Since that time last year, life has changed for John. He's busy and hopefully he has found true love. He no longer has time for his old pal mamabear. I'm happy for him and I only wish him well.
I knew this past February that he was no longer going to be in my life the way he was before Renay contacted me. I was given a sign. Up to this point, I had only told Keri and Renay about what I saw.
This is a copy of a conversation with Renay on messenger. A week after I had sent John an email, I told her about the sign.
I sent John a letter telling him how thankful I was that he was willing to be the go between and send you a message for me.
I never heard one word from him about the email that I sent.
But later that day after I had slept and I went outside for my first cigarette
I saw an eagle... I swear it was an eagle, not a hawk or a condor, but an eagle
It was soaring right toward the house and at the angle that it went, then I should have seen it come out on the back side, but when I looked it was no where in sight.
I ran around to the front of the house and there was nothing in sight.
I even checked the roof.
I took it as a sign.
I always called John "Eagle" and told him that was who he would always be to me.
I think it was a sign that he was gone from my life. That he's not going to be there the way he was before.
maybe so mama
maybe it was his job to bring us back together
maybe that was what he was in our lives for
he will always be your friend
I guess you're right and now I'm crying because that's what I've thought too.
but i believe everyone plays a part in this thing we call life
maybe that was his part
mama don't cry
he is not gone
he is just here in a different way now
Renay was right... everyone plays a part in this thing we call life. I believe John's purpose in mine and Renay's lives was to be there to bring us back together. He was a godsend. His purpose was fulfilled and now he's no longer in my life the way he was a year ago. He remains in my heart, in my prayers, and I'll always be there for him if he needs me.
Happy Birthday, my sweet little brother. You may be taller than me but you are neither as broad nor as old as me. So, that makes you my "little" brother. You will always and forever be my brother. The Lord brought you into my life for a reason.
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Somewhere Out There
Nov 19, 2007 | 2:38AM
I just signed out of messenger after talking to Renay. It's after 4:30 am and Renay thinks I've gone to bed. I should be because I have to be at work in less than 12 hours. I usually sleep longer than that... LOL
I wanted to get this posted before Renay has to fly to Brisbane. Keep her in your prayers as she leaves her Wednesday morning... our Tuesday afternoon here in the states.
Winter is coming and with it, winter brings my Punkin home to her mama's arms. She thinks I'm not as excited as I should be. If she could feel the beating of my heart at this very moment she'd know I can barely wait for her to be here.
If any of you know the story of how there was a time of separation for Renay and me then you'll understand the meaning behind this video and song. Sometimes you can lose someone you love and it might take a lifetime to find them again. I thank God that it was only a year that she was gone from me.
She was gone from me but not out of my sight. I kept watch over her and later I found out she did the same for me. Long story... and I don't have time to explain now, but I'm sure you all know what I mean.
I love you, Baby Girl. I'm as proud of you as any mama can be of her child. Look to your brightest star. Every night that's where I send my love to you. And soon, we'll be together.
I love you all. Now I've got to skiddadale.
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"All Alone in the World"
Oct 25, 2007 | 10:09PM
No, I'm not all alone in the world. This is a song that played in my head for well over a month. It's from Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol. Oh yeah, I've returned to my childhood, but I'm no longer in that black void of a few weeks ago.
Please view the video. It's a short one.
This is the part that breaks my heart when they sing together...
A hand for each hand was planned for the world
Why don't my fingers reach?
Millions of grains of sand in the world
Why such a lonely beach?
Where is the voice to answer mine back?
Where are two shoes that click to my clack?
I'm all alone in the WOOOOORLD!!!
Well, that's the song and some of you may know why this little melody has haunted my thoughts. Dark times and dark thoughts went hand in hand for several weeks. I felt all alone and I knew without me that Renay would feel lost. I had hoped that after a while she would find someone to replace me and get on with her life.
Now remember, my thinking was not rational. At that time, logic and sensibility had no place in my world. I felt that nothing was going to work out. I had nothing for Renay to come home to. I had no car. My husband made sure of that when he became my chauffeur for the past year. Then this year while I was on medical leave he traded my car... the one that I had made the payments on while he was no longer working. He traded for something that is now his and I get to drive it only when he has to be in bed early. I've driven that SUV 3 times. So, I had no car of my own and all my savings went while I was out of work.
I felt like if Renay would go ahead and take her vacation days then she could transfer to the store closer to her. She was going through a rough time at her place of work but transferring would cause her to lose her holidays and she wouldn't be able to come home as she planned. The new store was within walking distance and she wouldn't have to spend so much on transportation.
Renay is working too hard too soon after her fall. She's still not well. She wanted to tell me on the phone about her show coming up but since we never got to talk, she told me in an email. My heart just broke when I thought of what she was going to put herself through just to make money to come home. So, here again, I thought if she'd let go of the idea of coming home... if she'd let me go, then she wouldn't have to do this extra work.
I'm not getting along as well as I thought I would be by now. I am walking better... if what I do can be called walking. It's more of a limp, hobble, drag, stumble, weave, wobble than walking. I thought... What kind of holiday would Renay have with a mother who can't get out and show her the town? I spend a third of my time being doped up by medication. Another third I spend in so much pain that I want to die. Between being doped up and in pain then that left a third of my time being depressed.
Renay was not the only one that I was shutting out. I had no contact with any of my family and friends. I was in a dark hole. Renay wanted me to focus on one good thing a day. I tried but it was like I was out of whack with the world. Somehow I had upset the balance between good and bad. That maybe being in limbo was my punishment for some wrong doing. I just didn't know what was happening to me. So, I wanted to hide. I wanted Renay to give up on me and get on with her life. I was going to ask all of you to keep an eye on her and I was going to tell Renay that she could tell everyone I had died. Was a bad plan... wasn't it?
Renay and I are connected in a way that most mothers and daughters never know. We have the same thoughts. When we are on messenger, we type the same messages at the same time. It's happened too many times to count. It's not just "I love yous." We type those a lot but it's that we have the same ideas at the same time. So, when I began to slip further away, Renay knew what was going through my head. She knew the doubts that I was beginning to feel. Before we ever got to have a telephone conversation, she had already addressed all the doubts and concerns that I have told you here.
She's really a gift from God, as so are all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you... I thank God for you.
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The Mile
Oct 16, 2007 | 2:14PM
The Mile
People come into our lives
and walk with us a mile,
and then because of circumstance
they only stay a while.
They serve a need within the days
that move so quickly by,
and then are gone beyond our reach,
we often wonder why.
God only knows the reason
that we meet and share a smile,
why people come into our lives
and walk with us a mile.
My time on Grab has been quite a journey. Some of you have walked it with me from the very beginning. I can't stay. But that doesn't mean that I'll ever forget the friends and family that I found here.
I've been online for almost 5 years. I can't say for certain that sitting in front of a computer for hours at a time caused my health problems. I doubt if it helped but I'll never know for sure now. I just know I have to give it up and try to live the best that I can without staring at a computer screen. I have to find myself and if I do, then perhaps I'll find my way back to you. God Bless You. I love you forever and always.
Carpe diem, quam minimus credula postero.
Seize the day, put no trust in tomorrow.
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The Road to Hell
Oct 16, 2007 | 12:32PM
On the road to hell is where I've been for the last 3 weeks. This is a warning to let you all know NOT to take Chantix and to NOT let anyone you know use it to stop smoking.
I've needed to stop smoking for a very long time. I thought I would take the easy way out with the use of a drug called Chantix. I asked my doctor about it and he assured me that it was safe to take. I weighed it in the balances and asked him... On this hand, I'm going to be putting a chemical in my brain to make me not want to smoke. On the other hand, I have heart disease and diabetes. How safe is this? He didn't even tell me about the side effects.
The warnings included headaches and unusual dreams. I take a pain reliever for headaches everyday. So I thought... How bad can the headaches be? And I thought it might be interesting to dream and remember them again.
In the beginning the dreams were unusual and somewhat funny. Then they became disturbing and finally I stopped remembering them at all. I believe that's when the depression really took over.
This has not been my best year. I have enough to deal with and I don't need a drug sending me over the edge.
There are many side effects but the ones that stand out in my mind now are the ones listed below.
PSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS. Frequent: Anxiety, Depression, Emotional disorder, Irritability, Restlessness. Infrequent: Aggression, Agitation, Disorientation, Dissociation, Libido decreased, Mood swings, Thinking abnormal. Rare: Bradyphrenia, Euphoric mood, Hallucination, Psychotic disorder, Suicidal ideation.
I sure as heck didn't experience any euphoric moods while I was taking Chantix. I wasn't happy about anything. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't read or send emails. I read Renay's emails but I didn't reply. I thought about leaving Grab and I would have if I could have found the place. I came here on the 14th because Renay sent gifts. All I could see was a white page with Xs where pictures should be. It looked much like my own life, just a blank page. I've had my problems but I've always managed to be reasonably happy and stay in touch with the REAL world. When Renay wrote that my little light had gone out, I realized she was right.
Maybe someday I'll find me again. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to make sure it isn't a train coming at me. It doesn't really matter.
When I looked at my inbox... I told myself not to look because I wouldn't be able to handle answering messages... well I looked and I found a blog notice from Bret. The video is very beautiful. The words of the song are what really blew me away. I love that song but I haven't heard it in years. Take a look if you have time. You have to turn Charlie Daniels off on the right side. I like Charlie, too, but his song was not the message that I needed to hear today.
The video is Native American, but if you don't have time to view it, the words to the song are written below.
LOVE..... DEVOTION
FEELING.....EMOTION
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
~ ENIGMA ~
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September Birthdays
Sep 25, 2007 | 3:12PM
  
Most of these birthdays have already taken place. Some of you know the reasons why I can't be here everyday. Please forgive me for being late. I hope you all had or will have a wonderful day. If I've left anyone out, please let me know.
In addition to my Online Family having birthdays, a few of my at home family also celebrate their birthdays this month.
My husband (ummm... I use the word husband loosely) Roy... the old man turned 63 on the 16th.
Sister Jackie... said she had a hard time getting up on the 25th. She turned 47. Well, bless her little heart. LOL... It's all down hill from here.
Daughter Kim... will be 37 on the 28th. Where did the time go? Seems like I only turned around and she was grown, but then she's been working since she was 13.
Birthday Blessings
Instead of counting candles,
Or tallying the years,
Contemplate your blessings,
As your birthday nears.
Consider special people
Who love you, and who care,
And others who’ve enriched your life
Just by being there.
Think about the memories
Passing years can never mar,
Experiences great and small
That have made you who you are.
Another year is a happy gift,
So cut your cake, and say,
"Instead of counting birthdays,
I count blessings every day!"
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Happy Birthday Evelyn1
Sep 11, 2007 | 10:22PM
Happy Birthday, Evelyn!!
September 12th is my little online sister's birthday. Please send her good wishes. Remember Evelyn and her mother in your prayers. Ask for God's blessings for healing and perfect health.
Evelyn's profile
Evelyn, if you see this, just know that I'll be here for you. I can't say I know how you feel. I went through the same thing with my dad. But for friends to say that they know how you feel is not true. No one knows!
All I can say is I hold you close and remind you of my love for you.
God Bless and take care of you, always.
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Friends by Michael W. Smith
Sep 11, 2007 | 7:21PM
Lately, I seem to be the bearer of bad news. I may as well change my name to the BadNewsBear.
Monday night my dear friend, Peggy passed away. She had not been well for the past year. She barely weighed 100 lbs. She continued to work until this past July. Her doctor believes she had at least 4 strokes. Her little body couldn't take the pain. Now she is at rest.
Renay has often heard me speak of Peggy. Renay was the one who encouraged me to go see Peggy in the hospital. My little Punkin knows me very well because she told me that when someone close to me becomes sick or ill I go into hiding because I'm afraid. I do hide but sometimes I have to put my own fears aside and be there for my friends.
This is for everyone who has ever lost a friend. They remain in your heart forever. I know because I lost one friend on Grab to death. But then I didn't really lose Leta because she remains in my thoughts and she will always be an important part of my life. I celebrate her life by remembering her sweet and thoughtful ways. Oh that we could all have a friend who remains with us until their life is over! I wish you all could have known Leta and Peggy.
There are other friends on here who have gone missing in action. I don't know what has become of them. When I was better able to cope, I used to go through my friends list and sign guest books letting them know that I still think of them and wish them well.
One last thought...
At one time I had over 300 friends on here. I deleted close to 200 and as far as I can tell, not one of them has sent a message asking me why I did that. Maybe they went through life changes. Maybe they grew tired of Grab. Maybe they had so many friends that they didn't notice one being gone. Perhaps they, like Leta and Peggy, have gone on to be with the Lord. If that be the case, then I'll meet them all some day.
I know if you're reading this that you are the kind of friend who endures until the end. I thank God for you and I ask His blessing on each and everyone of you.
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