I just wanted to update and let everyone know that I haven't felt much like talking.........I misscarried at 7wks.  Hubby and I have been told to wait till after November before we start trying again for a baby.  It's been hard, but it's been okay as well.  So I'm sorry if I've been kind of absent around here for awhile, but I just didn't feel very social.

So on Monday August 4th, one day after hubby and I's 6 year wedding anniversary I took a pregnancy test...........................and I saw a plus sign. We have been trying to have a baby for years now and now we are expecting our first bundle of joy in April of 2009. OMG We are having a baby. It's still early on and I don't see my OB/GYN until Sept. 10th at which time I will be between 9 and 10 weeks along. I just had to share our news with the world.

Hello everyone. I have some wonderful, great, awesome news. I started my new life today. Now some of you may be wondering what exactly I mean by that, well let me just tell you. I decided to start my BeautiControl life today. I could not be more excited about starting anything new.  I am a certified independent BeautiControl Consultant. I just became the CEO of my own home business. We are the only company that brings the spa experience out of the expensive day spa and into YOUR home at a fraction of the cost. But the best thing about it is you do NOT have to give up the quality of the products that you are using. Merrill Lynch did an independent study that compared our products (skin care, makeup, spa products) to the products of the competition and they found that BeautiControl is comparable to Este Lauder, Clinique, and Lancome. Now think about that for a moment. Those are expensive, high quality makeup counter products. I can't afford to buy them, but I can afford BeautiControl. Same high quality formulas for a whole lot less. What is not to love about that?

The best thing that I have found is that not only do I get to enjoy these wonderful products, but now I get to share them with the world. That is what I am most excited about. I get to go into other women's homes and share awesome products that I use myself everyday.  I also get to share the BeautiControl career opportunity with other women, who like myself, are looking for a way to make extra money without spending extra time away from home. Where else do you have the potential to make an excuetive level income while living a stay-at-home lifestyle?

Does this sound too good to be true? That's what I thought at first, but I did research on my own and the BeautiControl family of consultants was more than happy to answer my questions. But best of all, my BeautiControl family is there to help me find my way, encourage me, support me, and just to let me know that I CAN do it.

Do you think this is something that could be right for you? Please feel free to contact me with any questions you have. If you want to host a spa escape in your own home, if you just want to talk one on one with a consultant in your area, or if you want to see a catalog of our products, then contact me and I will do everything I can to help you.

Live your best life now. You deserve it.

So I just got done reading my latest issue of Cosmo. As a female, we read Cosmo....just like we read Seventeen while in jr. high and high school. Cosmo is one of those magazines that just about every woman has at one time picked up and read. Well me, I subscribe to the magazine. And I think it was the last issue that I will read. I am tired of people telling me that because I'm not a size 2 or a size 12 or anything in between, that I am fat and unhealthy and I should feel bad about it. I should feel bad about myself because I don't look like the models on the pages. I am a big girl. Not huge. I don't take up two seats on the plane. My husband doesn't have to sleep in a different bed because he can't fit beside me. Guys still hit on me and check me out. My husband loves ME the person for who and what I am.

I have felt self-conscience for many years. I have hated myself. I have felt bad. I have blamed myself. I have heard the laughs behind my back. I have heard the comments made to my face. In high school I was a size 16/18, and everyday in the lunch room when I would get a tray and walk back to my table with my friends I had to pass a table of guys and girls who would moo at me. So I stopped eating at school. I didn't lose any weight and I didn't feel better about myself. I also have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and when I go without eating my sugar drops and I have to eat or pass out. I hid snacks in my locker so I wouldn't pass out because I had stopped eating at lunch. And the first time someone saw me getting something to eat out my locker, all I heard was, "look.....the cow can't get enough to eat...she pigs out at lunch and has to hide more food in her locker.........." Kids are cruel and kids are mean.

I am never going to be a size two and I have accepted that fact after many years. I have a big bone structure. Large wrists. Broad shoulders. In my magazine was an article about a woman who, after many years of being heavy, had surgery to have a band put around her stomach. She had dieted for many years and decided that the procedure was her best option. The article then goes on to tout how wonderful she felt after losing over 100lbs. Now the guys check her out and ask her out and she feels comfortable in her own body. I'm happy for her. I'm happy for anyone who can say they are happy with themselves. For her the eating was an emotional issue, according to the article. She had the surgery and was then unable to consume the same amount of food she did before. Because she was unable to eat for comfort anymore, she was forced to deal with the emotional issues that caused her to binge eat. I found her story interesting.

In the same magazine, I also read another article telling women what changes to expect in their bodies from pregnancy. The article stated that you can get your pre-baby body back as long as , and I quote, " you don't pork up." Just what the hell do they mean by that? As long as you don't pork up? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but being pregnant isn't the same as being over weight. That line really offended me.

I am sick and tired of people telling me that I should feel bad about the way I look. I should feel bad about me. I don't have a right to be happy until I lose weight. What is wrong with us? Everyone has the right to be happy. I shouldn't feel bad about myself because I have a few extra pounds around my middle. My happiness should NOT be dependent upon the number on my bathroom scale. I should be judged for who I am and what I do and not by my clothes size. I have a right to be happy and to like me. Now that is easier said than done. Everyday I battle my feelings of embarassment and shame because of my size and when I pick up a magazine that I enjoy, and read that I shouldn't be happy until I am no longer a plus size I just want to cry. Why do we send a message like that to our daughters and to ourselves? Where are the articles telling women that we can and should feel happy just being ourselves? Where are the articles telling women to accept themselves as they are? When are we, as women, going to realize that everyone is different? Beautiful people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. I am not less than because I am big. I am an equal. Being big does not make me a bad person, nor does it make me less than equal to a size two model. I admire women of size who are so confident and outgoing. I envy them. I want to feel that way. I want to be happy in my own body. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you are told a hundred times a day, in many ways, that you shouldn't feel good and you shouldn't be happy until you drop the weight. Well I for one have had enough. I am tired. I give up. I give up trying to be what everyone else tells me I should be. I am making a promise to myself. I promise to ignore the negative in my life. I promise to accept myself and love myself as I am. I am Amanda and I'm a size 22 and I love ME.

Another voice in the void

So I'm sitting here at home by myself, with Randy off to work and the dog sleeping on the couch, watching TV and wondering what my obsession with my shows is all about. I have made my daily routine around what shows I watch and when. I all but refuse to leave my house on Thursday nights because of Survivor and Sundays because of the Amazing Race. My family knows that they have to call me before 8pm or wait till my shows go off so they get my full attention on the phone because I get so easily distracted by the TV that I miss half the conversation. Is it because I'm bored? Or have my shows become my companions now that Randy works nights? I do spend alot of time by myself now. More than I used to, but I kind of like it. I'm starting to enjoy being by myself..doing my own thing. But I miss talking to Randy and cuddling on the couch in the evenings, but hey it's not like he's gone every night. Just three nights this week and then four next week then three then four...well you get the idea.

So my pets are my children right now. A house dog named Lexi and a house cat named Batman. They keep me company and warm when they decide to curl up in bed with me. LOL We have been trying to have a real baby since the day we got married, but it hasn't happened for us yet. It's been up and down and it's been hard at times, but I have tried to keep the faith that when it's meant to happen it will happen for us. Until then, I refuse to be poked or prodded one more time by a doctor. I am tired of getting my hopes up only to be let down one more time. Until then we are having fun working on the solution on our own......lol.

Love me tender, love me fair.

Love me only if you dare.

Want me passionatly, want me madly.

I promise not to hurt you badly.

Need me desperate, need me now.

I promise to leave you with a wow.

Hello. Hi. Howdy. What's up?

I think I covered everyone in my opening hello. So this is the first post to my blog. I should probably start off with something profound to make everyone want to read what I have to say from my own small corner of the world, but what can one say profound about freezing my behind off in Ohio in the middle of no where? Nothing. Exactly. And I do not use the term middle-of-NO-where lightly. I live a full 20min east of the nearest Interstate on-ramp, and once you reach that it's another 25 miles to the nearest WalMart either north or south....your choice. Sure we have a small mom and pop general store in the little village I live closest to, but everything costs so much you only stop there in an emergency as gas always runs at least $0.50 more a gallon than if you were to just go the extra 15mins to town to get it. I only have 6 neighbors in a 5-mile radius of my house.

I grew up on my parents farm.....33acres of hay fields and beef cattle. I hated farm work when I was growing up, but now I see it as a way to help my parents out and kind of pay them back for everything they have given me. My husband Randy and my dad get along really well, so the guys do the hard work and mom and I get to do the easier stuff like drive the tractors. I am the oldest child and have a sister almost 5 years younger than I am. So the farm was always a family affair. My dad's motto when we were growing up was, "No work, no eat"......lol. It was never enforced, but we knew that after getting an education doing our chores were the most important thing.

I am so proud of my sister. She is amazing and smart. She is a senior in college and will graduate in the spring with a BS in Biology and a minor in chemistry. Then in the fall she will start chiropractic school in Iowa. She is so pretty that everyone expects her to be an airhead, but she is smart and outspoken and highly opinonated. We are really close and talk just about everyother day and she is home at least twice a month. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and it feels like we have always known eachother even though we only met 6 years ago. He is my best friend...there is nothing that we can't talk about. Yeah we have fights and life isn't always peachy, but we have a friendship to pull us through the hard times. I can't wait to grow old with him because he will never grow up. At 35 he still thinks he's 25 and can conquer the world. He makes me laugh and he makes me smile. He makes me feel safe and loved. And our favorite thing to do is spend time together going fishing, or hanging out with our friends, or listening to music, or just goffing off. We can't get enough of classic rock, although we sometimes disagree on who to listen to. And he is learning to enjoy my country music too. We both love to read and learn new things.

There are so many things I could tell you about me, my husband, my family and our life, but I think I'm going to save them for future posts about me. I figure you all probably have alot of questions about me. I mean I'm 26 and Randy is 35. Talk to you soon.