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The best of Maxine...boy, I love this lady.
Dec 28, 2007 | 6:33PM
Note....if these images arent viewable please g-mail me.
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Molasses....a joke
Aug 18, 2007 | 10:32AM
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell French toast!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell pancakes!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way.
So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is molasses."
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The Dummy
Aug 16, 2007 | 6:59PM
The Dummy
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In that forgotten part of town
Where wasted hopes and dreams abound,
A wrinkled man with life near end,
In hopes to have at least one friend,
Fashioned bits of wood and things
And made a dummy run by strings.
He sat alone for hours on end,
Conversing with his only friend
And found delight within the fact
That he controlled it's every act.
He told it how he never had
A chance, since all his luck was bad
Although he'd tried so to succeed -
The dummy nodded and agreed.
And how his journeys in romance
Had never given him a chance,
And wasn't it a crying shame
That he was always held to blame
When everyone knew, oh so well,
That life is but a living Hell,
Controlled by lust and power and greed?
The dummy nodded and agreed.
With patience that would rival saints,
That dummy sat through all complaints
And, with each little expert tug,
He'd droop his head or bow or shrug
And give some comfort to the man
Who held his lifelines in his hand
And helped to fill a lonely need
When he just nodded and agreed.
Senility increased with time
As did the old man's phantomime,
And feverish fingers pulled with glee
The dummy's dance of misery.
They never left each other's side
Until the day both stopped and died.
We found them lying, hand in hand,
The dummy - and his wooden friend |
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A wish
Aug 15, 2007 | 8:33PM
I had this one before...but somehow it got lost during the new launch. I liked it so I found it again. Hope you all dont mind.
A Wish
-- Paul Harvey
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand-me-down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meatloaf sandwiches. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your dog put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother or sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him. When you want to see a movie and your little brother wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
These I wish for you -- tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.
Written with a pen.
Sealed with a kiss.
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Lost between Baby boomer& Generation X
Feb 21, 2007 | 2:46PM
You're Lost Between Baby Boomer & Generation X If...
Submitted by CRE 43
- You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat-handle comb in the back pocket was cool.
- Any photograph of you shows you wearing an Izod shirt with the collar turned up.
- You know any "Weird Al" Yankovic songs by heart.
- You've ever rung someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"
- You were once bowled over by the technological excellence of such products as Atari, IntelliVision, TelStar and Coleco.
- You remember the premier of MTV -- or worse yet, you remember its predecessor, "Friday Night Videos."
- You and your friends ever discussed having a reunion at the end of the century and playing Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.
- A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.
- You remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was alternative, and when "alternative comedy" was really funny.
- You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.
- You rode in the back of the station wagon facing the cars behind you.
- You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: "You know, back when...," "When I was your age...," or "When I was younger..."
- Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you learned things like grammar, math and history. (A big hint here is if the only way you can recite the Preamble to the Constitution is by singing it.)
- You ever dressed to look like someone in a Madonna, Cyndi Lauper or Duran Duran video.
- You remember your first kiss with someone having happened while either "Leather and Lace" or "Crazy for You" was playing.
- You remember with pain the day the Green Machine hit the streets (or the sidewalks), instantly making your Big Wheel obsolete.
- The age-old question "Where's the beef?" still makes you laugh.
- You remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly have more advanced special effects than "TRON."
- You had a crush on Ted the photographer on "Love Boat," Gage from "Emergency," or Ponch from "CHIPS."
- Your hair at some point in time in the '80s could only be described by saying "I was experimenting."
- You've ever shopped at Benetton.
- You're starting to believe that having the kids in school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
- You're currently employed doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with your college major.
- U2 is too popular and mainstream for you now.
- You remember trying to guess which episode of "The Brady Bunch" it was by the first scene.
- You had a front-row seat (i.e., blew off one or more classes) for Luke and Laura's wedding on "GH."
- Your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes anyway.
- You know who shot J.R.
- You recall when Love's Baby Soft was in every girl's Christmas stocking.
- This rings a bell: "My name is Charlie, and they work for me."
- You were unsure if Diet Coke would ever catch on. (Related item: you were sure that "New Coke" would NEVER catch on.)
- You know all the words to the double-album set of the "Grease" soundtrack.
- You've ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut.
- You sat with your friends on any given Friday night circa 1982 and dialed 867-5309 to see if Jenny was actually there.
- "All skate, change directions" means something to you.
- You've ever owned a pair of rainbow suspenders like the ones Mork used to wear.
- You bought a pair of Vanns and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli. (Related item: if you've ever smacked yourself in the head with a shoe and exclaimed, "I'm so wasted!")
- You owned a Preppy Handbook.
- You were too young to see "Blue Lagoon," so you just had to settle for the second-hand reports.
- You remember when movies were only PG and R.
- You learned to swim at about the same time "Jaws" came out....and still carry the emotional scars to prove it.
- You remember when your cable TV box had a sliding selector switch... and your "cable remote" was connected to the TV by CORD!
- Your jaw would ache by the time you finished one of those brick-sized packages of Bazooka.
- You remember Bo and Luke Duke, Daisy, Boss Hogg, or-worst of all-what Sheriff Roscoe's full name was.
- Your parents paid $2,000 for a top-loading VCR that was almost the size of a coffee table.
- You found nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together.
- You remember having a rotary phone.
- You actually believed that Mikey, famed kid on the Life cereal commercials, died after eating Pop Rocks and drinking a Coke.
- "Members Only" jackets...say no more.
- And lastly, I'll make a song stick in your head for the rest of the day: ...you actually remember the words to the theme song of "The Greatest American Hero." ("BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M WALKIN' ON AIR...I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD FEEL SO FREE-EE-EE...")
Author: Michelle Waugh at ATISSI51
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