Battle Hymm of the Repulsed

Michael Bowman

Mine eyes have seen the kitchen,
which is why I bring my lunch.
I have smelled the things they’re cooking,
and they’re toxic, I’ve a hunch.
And the salads are so soggy that
you’ll never hear a crunch.
I bring my lunch to school!

They torture nose and taste buds
with both hamburger and spuds.
There are meatballs in a gravy that’s
like iridescent mud.
Mashed potatoes hit both tray and stomach
with a sick’ning thud.
I bring my lunch to school!

It’s amazin’ when a raisin
starts to crawl across your cake;
that was when I first decided
the dessert was a mistake.
And I wouldn’t like to guess what’s
floating in that chocolate shake.
I bring my lunch to school!

Chorus
I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I bring my lunch to school!

The governors of Alabama, South Carolina, Arkansas, Georgia, and Mississippi announced today that they have made a disturbing discovery in their states. Apparently a small number of Al Qaeda terrorists have become romantically involved with local redneck girls. The result is not pretty and they now have the sad task of reporting the creation of a new sector of the human race: Islamabubbas.

So far, only a smattering of actual births have been reported, but Pat Robertson's Christian Coalition is hard at work trying to isolate and seal them off. To date, the Coalition has identified the following children:

Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba
Mohammed Jethro Bin Thinkin Boudit
Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba
Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba
Bobbie Joe Bubba Amgood Attit
Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
Linda Sue Bin There Dundat

Not surprisingly, the Coalition believes they all seem to have sprung from one couple:
Mohammed Whoizyadaddy and Yomamma Bin Lovin

Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.

About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."

She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Happiness is not a goal;  it is a by-product!

Eleanor Roosevelt

Happiness is the secret to all beauty,  there is no beauty that is attractive without happiness.

Christian Dior

Haapiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.

Denis Waitley

Hello Friends

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..

30 degrees is too cold for me!

I need a nice warm vacation

Some where tropical

Someone to snuggle with

that keeps me warm all over!

But Ed said NO !

Hope you have

a

Wonderful Weekend!

Never rely on the "officials" to take care of you.

Oh Nooooo...no one is immune!

Make sure you have the best equipment if you happen to get the virus.

Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist.

They visited kennel after kennel and defined their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife.

"Fetch the Bible," he demanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw.

The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses.

The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet" the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!"

The heart is like crystal, preserve it.

Love is like perfume, spread it.

Feelings are like a flood,  let them flow.

Friendship is like an umbrella, share it

where ever you go..

Good Morning

More sunshine for us today.

I'm hoping you...

Precious Father in Heaven

We pray for the souls of the fallen, and

Father we ask for comfort for those

touched by the tragedy in Texas.

Lord bring them through their sorrow

and bring them peace.

We ask this in the name of

our merciful

Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen

Parent/Teacher Conference

Darren Sardelli

At the parent-teacher conference,
my father made a scene.
He scared my fifth-grade teacher,
with his mask from Halloween.

She showed him all my science grades
and said she was concerned,
but he just stuck his tongue out
when my teacher’s back was turned.

He drew a monster on the board
and claimed it was her twin.
He even shook her soda,
which expolded on her chin.

My angry teacher crossed her arms
and said, “This meeting’s done!
I now see where he gets it from—
you act just like your son!”

A boy came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well . . . last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea."

Little Leroy was at home doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a b!tch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a b!tch is nine."

In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying. "Leroy, what are you doing? Why are you saying that?"

Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?"

"Yes," he replied.

The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher. The mother said to his math teacher, "I would like to know what you are teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems."

Little Leroy's mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b!tch is four?"

When the teacher stopped laughing she replied, "Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."