I want to know, when day is done,
That life has been worth living,
That I have brought somebody joy
Through kind, unselfish giving.

*

I want to feel, when evening falls
and shadows quickly lengthen
That I have made somebody glad,
Some weakness I have strengthened.

*

I want to know that come what may
I've left some cheer and gladness;
I want to feel at close of day
I've banished someone's sadness.

*

I want to feel at close of day
That someone's cares were lighter
Because of kindness I have done,
May someone's life be brighter.

Author Unknown

* * * * * * *

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school.

"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."

"What else," I asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" I asked.

"The third week, the fools jump."

The blonde was watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing. "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

The Best Place to Land :)

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, ...

"Half time, switch sides."

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its annual contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

Here are some of the selected results.

 

-- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

Words are as beautiful

as wild horses,
and sometimes as

difficult to corral.

Ted Berkman

Hello Everyone

Wishing you all

a

Beautifully Blessed Weekend

When God created kitty cats,
He had no recipe;
He knew He wanted something sweet,
As sweet as sweet could be.

He started out with sugar,
Adding just a trace of spice;
Then stirred in drops of morning dew,
To keep them fresh and nice.

He thought cats should be soft to pet,
Thus he gave them coats of fur;
So they could show they were content,
He taught them how to purr.

He made for them long tails to wave,
While strutting down the walk;
Then trained them in meow-ology,
So they could do cat-talk.

He made them into acrobats,
And gave them grace and poise;
Their wide-eyed curiosity,
He took from little boys.

He put whiskers on their faces,
Gave them tiny ears for caps;
Then shaped their little bodies,
To snugly fit on laps.

He gave them eyes as big as saucers,
To look into man's soul;
Then set a tolerance for mankind,
As their purpose and their goal.

Benevolent ... and ... Generous,
He made so many of them;
Then charged, with fatherly concern,
The human race to love them.

When one jumped up upon His lap,
God gently stroked its head;
The cat gave Him a kitty kiss,
"What wondrous love," God said.

God smiled at His accomplishment,
So pleased with His creation;
And said, with pride, as He sat back,
"At last. . .I've reached purr-fection!"

Dear Santa

Kenn Nesbitt

I don’t believe in Santa Claus
like many other folks.
I think you’re just a fairy tale.
I think you’re just a hoax.

I don’t believe you’re keeping track
of who’s been bad or good.
I don’t believe you know if I’ve
been sleeping when I should.

I don’t believe that reindeer fly.
I don’t believe in elves.
I think the toys beneath our tree
were bought from toy-store shelves.

I once believed when I was six;
at fifty I know better.
But if I’m wrong and you exist,
please disregard this letter.

Ooooohhh....

Whew, had me worried for a minute!

Dining Out

- When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

Nancy Pelosi and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was struck and killed.

Nancy told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Nancy?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me!"

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Nancy.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Nancy Pelosi's driver and I've just killed the old cow.

The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase;
if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
C. P. Snow

Hello Friends

I'm lovin' it!

Another day with mild temps

and the rain has left the area.

I hope your Friday is

Excellent!

The Wife's Will

SIT still­ a word­ a breath may break
 (As light airs stir a sleeping lake,)
 The glassy calm that soothes my woes,
 The sweet, the deep, the full repose.
 O leave me not ! for ever be
 Thus, more than life itself to me !

 Yes, close beside thee, let me kneel­
 Give me thy hand that I may feel
 The friend so true­ so tried­ so dear,
 My heart's own chosen ­indeed is near;
 And check me not ­this hour divine
 Belongs to me ­is fully mine.

 'Tis thy own hearth thou sitt'st beside,
 After long absence ­wandering wide;
 'Tis thy own wife reads in thine eyes,
 A promise clear of stormless skies,
 For faith and true love light the rays,
 Which shine responsive to her gaze.

 Aye,­well that single tear may fall;
 Ten thousand might mine eyes recall,
 Which from their lids, ran blinding fast,
 In hours of grief, yet scarcely past,
 Well may'st thou speak of love to me;
For, oh ! most truly ­I love thee !

 Yet smile ­for we are happy now.
 Whence, then, that sadness on thy brow ?
 What say'st thou ? ' We must once again,
 Ere long, be severed by the main ? '
 I knew not this­I deemed no more,
 Thy step would err from Britain's shore.

 ' Duty commands ?' 'Tis true­'tis just;
 Thy slightest word I wholly trust,
 Nor by request, nor faintest sigh
 Would I, to turn thy purpose, try;
 But, William­hear my solemn vow­
 Hear and confirm !­with thee I go.

 ' Distance and suffering,' did'st thou say ?
 ' Danger by night, and toil by day ?'
 Oh, idle words, and vain are these;
 Hear me ! I cross with thee the seas.
 Such risk as thou must meet and dare,
 I­thy true wife­will duly share.

 Passive, at home, I will not pine;
 Thy toils­thy perils, shall be mine;
 Grant this­and be hereafter paid
 By a warm heart's devoted aid:
'Tis granted­with that yielding kiss,
 Entered my soul unmingled bliss.

 Thanks, William­thanks ! thy love has joy,
 Pure­undefiled with base alloy;
 'Tis not a passion, false and blind,
 Inspires, enchains, absorbs my mind;
 Worthy, I feel, art thou to be
 Loved with my perfect energy. 

 This evening, now, shall sweetly flow,
 Lit by our clear fire's happy glow;
 And parting's peace-embittering fear,
 Is warned, our hearts to come not near;
 For fate admits my soul's decree,
 In bliss or bale­ to go with thee !

Charlotte Bronte 

"We interupt this program for an important announcement"

6th grade

 It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.     OUCH !

 The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.   BELIEVABLE !



 Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, A horse divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.  COINCIDENCE ?

 Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to present.   POOR SPINSTER !

 The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.  I KNEW IT !

History.....is finished!