oopstheregoesmy's Blog Last Post: 847 days, 21 hours ago   
Don't kick the cat!
Jul 28, 2007 | 5:36PM
A little boy came down to breakfast one day. Since he lived
on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't
have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little [censored]ed, so he goes to feed the chickens,
and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he
kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a
bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and
bacon?" Why don't I have any milk in my cereal, he asks?
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you
don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get
any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you
aren't getting any milk this morning."

Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast,
and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile,
and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

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That kinda day
Jul 28, 2007 | 9:06AM
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If you like trivia
Jul 19, 2007 | 3:42PM
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Calmness in our lives
Jul 19, 2007 | 12:46PM
I am posting this here because it definitely works,
and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.
By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and
hadn't finished, and before even hitting the shower this morning I
finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a
bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of
Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the
cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea
how freaking good I feel right now.

Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.
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Drunk speach impediments
Jul 15, 2007 | 12:15PM
Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk:

Cinnamon
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation

Things That Are VERY Difficult To Say When You're Drunk:

British Constitution
Loquacious Transubstantiate
Passive-aggressive disorder
Specificity

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE To Say When You're Drunk:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more alcohol for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
You're right, I can't jump over that table!
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My blog bio? :o I
Jul 09, 2007 | 9:00AM
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10 things us guys don't know about women (but now we do) :o I
Jul 05, 2007 | 12:12PM
1. It's the circumference, stupid! The numerical measurement of the bra has nothing to do with the size of our boobs.

2. Hair extensions and wigs are not the same thing. Wigs are for old ladies and drag queens. Extensions are for women who want longer hair. To be safe, never bring it up if you think a woman is wearing either. No good comes of it.

3. Never take credit for something we actually did. Unless that something is farting. We'll never raise our hands there.

4. You say: "I'm intense." We hear: "I'm a psycho."

5. We don't ever want to have an "intense" time at dinner.

6. Shaving down there doesn't make your equipment look any bigger. It does make it more manageable, however, which improves the chances of us admiring your manscaping.

7. The fact that you hesitate before using our razor because it's pink and that it might make you seem gay is equal parts cute and pathetic.

8. Short of spending $10,000, there is nothing you can do to your (head to hide the fact that you're going bald. If you're spraying your hair on from an aerosol can, chances are we can tell. Unless you're going to shell out the cash to do it right, just let it go.

9. When the car won't start and you do nothing but open the hood, there's a 40 percent chance it will start on the second try. Men will always act like they fixed it. We know and accept this.

10. A man's ability to haggle is never a turn-on. The only thing less romantic than how much you paid is how much you saved. The last thing we want to hear is how you talked the jeweler down on our new earrings.

(10 Things You Don't Know About Women, by Jennifer Coolidge, from the "Esquire")
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Sightseeing in L.A.
Jul 04, 2007 | 11:45AM
The Star News, A Los Angeles County Sheriff's publication, reported these 911 calls received from bus drivers or passengers: 1) "Female, topless, refused to pay fare", 2) "Male wearing white T-shirt, black boxers, took off pants and hung them on buss mirror; states parts of his anatomy are burning" and 3) "People are filming a porn movie next to the tracks by the riverbed." Only in California.... When are we leaving?
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Biblical Humor
Jul 02, 2007 | 2:47PM
Passed along from Fiddler. :o )

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.



PS... Did you know men are supposed to make coffee? Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . . "He-brews"
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:o )
Jun 30, 2007 | 12:20PM
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I cannot believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"

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I'm supposed to write one? Oh me gosh... this could take for EVER. Oh man. I only got 911 characters left. No... wait. I mean 871. Not much you can fit in such a restricted space. Not that there's all that much to say about me and my bio anyways. What exactly is a bio supposed to contain? Suggestions? The floor is yours. :o )