Old. . .

Are you Over the Hill? 
 
You may be headed that way if . . .
 
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
 
You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks
And discover you aren't wearing any.
 
At the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop
and you're not eating cereal.
 
Your back goes out, but you stay home.
 
You wake up looking like your driver's license photo.
 
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
 
When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
 
When happy hour is a nap.
 
When you're on vacation and your energy runs out
Before your money does.
 
When you say something to your kids that your mother said
to you and you always hated it.
 
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
 
When you step off the curb and look down one more time
to make sure the street is still there.
 
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
 
It takes longer to rest than it did to get
tired.
 
Your memory is shorter and your complaining
lasts longer.
 
Your address book has mostly names that
start with Dr.
 
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get
it going.
 
The pharmacist has become your new best
friend.
 
Getting "Lucky" means you found your car
in the parking lot.
 
The twinkle in your eye is merely a
reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
 
It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
 
Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt,
doesn't work.
 
You look for your glasses for half an hour
and they were On your head the whole time.
 
You sink your teeth into a steak - and they
stay there.
 
You give up all your bad habits and still
don't feel good.
 
You have more patience,
But it is actually that you just don't
care anymore.
 
You finally get your head together and your
body starts falling apart.
 
You wonder how you could be over the hill
when you don't even remember being on top of it.