This is classic.... click on The Rake

TWENTY DOLLARS
> >
> > On their wedding night, the young bride
> > approached her new
> > husband and asked for $20.00 for their first
> > lovemaking encounter. In
> > his highly aroused state, her husband readily
> > agreed.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > This scenario was repeated each time they made
> > love, for more
> > than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a
> > cute way for her to
> > a fford new clothes and other incidentals that
> > she needed.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Arriving home around noon one day, she was
> > surprised to find
> > her husband in a very drunken state.
> > During the next few minutes, he explained that
> > his employer
> > was going through a process of corporate
> > down sizing, and he had
> > been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
> > 59, he'd be able to find
> > another position that paid anywhere near what
> > he'd been earning, and
> > therefore, they
> > were financially ruined.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
> > showed more than thirty
> > years of steady deposits and interest totaling
> > nearly $1 million. Then she
> > showed him certificates of deposits issued
> > by the bank which were worth over $2 million,
> > and informed him that they
> > were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > She explained that
> > for the more than
> > three decades she had "charged" him for sex,
> > these holdings had multiplied
> > and these were the
> > results of her savings and investments.
> >
> >
> >
> > Faced with evidence of cash and investments
> > worth over $3
> > million, her husband was so astounded he could
> > barely speak, but
> > finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If
> > I'd had any idea what you
> > were doing, I would have given you all my
> > business!"
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > That's when she shot him.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
> > to keep their mouths shut.
> >

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day
 while his wife stayed home.
 He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
 "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8
 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
 I want her to know what I go through, so please
 allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
 Amen.
 God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
 The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a
 woman
 He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened
 the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed
 their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry
 cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a
 deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to
 put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced
 the chequebook.
 He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
 Then it was already 1 P.M . and he hurried to make
 the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
 Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into
 an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies
 and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the
 ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
  At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing
 vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans
 for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the
 dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
  At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily
 chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to
 make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
  The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by
 the bed and said:
  Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so
 wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
  Please, oh please, let us trade back."
 
  The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
 "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I
 will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have
 to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

1.Cows                                                                                                                                                                   2. The Constitution .                                                                                                                                                                     3.The Ten Commandments Cows

 

 Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada, almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington ? And, also tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 12 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.  

                                                                                                                                                                                               The Constitution They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq . Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore. 

                                                                                                                                                  The Ten Commandments The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

 

Husband:  Oh, come on.
Wife:  Leave me alone!
Husband:  It won't take long.
Wife:  I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband:  I can't sleep without it.
Wife:  Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Husband:  Because I'm Hot.
Wife:  You get hot at the darnedest times.
Husband:  If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Wife:  If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Husband:  You don't love me anymore.
Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Husband:  Please...come on
Wife:  Alright, I'll do it.
Husband:  What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Wife:  I can't find it.
Husband:  Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Wife:  There! Are you satisfied?
Husband:  Oh, yes.
Wife:  Is it up far enough?
Husband:  Oh, that's good.
Wife:  Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open,
do it yourself.
 

 

Peace on Earth

© By Aswin Natarajan

The world is chaotic and violent
How are people so uncaringly silent?
When such depressing sounds,
Surround the city plagued with mounds?

This world seems so saddening
And this mental prison is so maddening!
Fifty deaths and the genocide
And the news I'd got; my bro had died.

Gang wars in the streets of L.A,
And some criminal tries to get away,
A man yells and asks to be saved
He prays for the peace that he'd craved.

Peace on earth is not here yet
But that doesn't mean that you can forget
So please stop complaining, do some good today.
And stop being the unfeeling cliche'.

Be a giver and give a lot
Give it all you've got, its your last shot.